Middle-Aged Martial Artist

New Life

2011-11-20T08:52:00.000-05:00

Am I still a martial artist?

I haven't posted for a long time because I made a decision to turn my life topsy turvy.

I took a new job much nearer my home, one with a lot of responsibility and requiring real creativity. While I'm saving about an hour and a half a day in commuting time, I'm spending that extra time in the office--and my day has shifted from very early to late.

As a result, I haven't been able to make the boxing class in the evening, I get home too late. I do have time in the morning, so I've been going to the gym associated with the boxing class before work.

Since I had been doing the gym and boxing previously, I'm now getting less exercise. I also haven't had time for blogging.

The new job is with a more traditional news organization, so my time at home is a bit more my own--I'm not on the endless real-time-news treadmill. But due to the amount of work required I do spend time on the weekend working--I just have more control over when it happens.

To my question at the top of this post: I have a black belt, but I don't train because of my latest ACL injury, and now I'm not in boxing class either.

My best guess is that I will return to some kind of training, one way or another, once I feel like the new job is under my belt, and once I get a special big project underway. Until then, I'm doing the best I can at a gym to stay in shape. It's not as much fun as martial arts or boxing, that is for sure.

Schedule

2011-07-21T20:23:00.000-04:00

I'm having trouble finding the right schedule for working out.

Right now I'm trying out going to the gym at work in the morning, Monday through Friday, going to boxing class in the evening Monday, Wednesday and/or Friday, and getting in a day of working out on the weekend.

The problem is I'm exhausted. My work day officially starts at 8 AM (though I'm often working on my commute on the way in). My commute is long. To get to the work gym in time to get to my desk a little before 8, I have been getting up at 5:15 AM.

That means, to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep--and I am one of those people who do better on 8 hours--I need to get to sleep at 9:15 or so, far before my family goes to bed, which is unsatisfying.

Moreover, boxing class runs 8 to 9, and I just don't get enough sleep after that class.

Going to the gym during the work day isn't ideal. I supervise reporters doing real-time news, and it's not at all comfortable to be in the gym when somebody commits some news.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Overhyped

2011-07-03T15:12:00.000-04:00

I am shocked--shocked!--that the most heavily anticipated heavyweight fight of the year--between 6'6" Wladimir "Dr. Steelhammer" Klitschko and 6'3" challenger David "Hayemaker" Haye--turned out to be a disappointment.

Klitschko, a Ukrainian living in Germany, is huge, he weighs about 243 lbs., but he is a very strong, skilled and fit athlete. He fights very carefully, using his pile-driver-like jab to keep opponents out of their range and, once they're thoroughly befuddled, using his killer right hand to knock them out. People criticize him for "boring" fights where he doesn't take chances. But he doesn't need to take chances to win, and I can't blame him.

Haye, a Brit, was an excellent cruiserweight (the next-heaviest weight class) and talked tough about knocking out Klitschko, but failed to do anything besides dodging many of the big guy's punches without punching much in return.

End result: A boring but convincing one-sided victory by Klitschko, and more evidence that nobody outside the Klitschko family (his bigger brother is ranked the #2 heavyweight in the world--they'll never fight each other) can handle them.

There's an interesting argument that there are few world-class American heavyweight boxers nowadays because, for really big athletes, the economics of pro football or basketball are much more rewarding (with, to some extent, less risk of long-term damage) than those of boxing. Big athletes overseas don't always have the same economic calculation, so more of them head into boxing.

How My Experiment With Sparring Again Turned Out

2011-07-02T15:04:00.000-04:00

My wife says she has "nothing nice to say to me" about the incident last night. My friend The Hulk says he's going to kick me next time he sees me.

So I'm not a very popular guy right now in certain circles.

What I did was try out sparring in my boxing class--and, in the process, I twisted my trick knee again. I was hoping sparring would be okay because you don't kick in boxing, and kickboxing is how I tore my ACL in the spring.

However, last night I twisted my knee anyway when I was moving by placing my foot improperly. Since I no longer have an ACL to hold my knee in place--and despite tons of exercise meant to strengthen all the muscles around my knee--my knee bended in a funky direction and I dropped down to the floor in pain. End of sparring.

Today, I'm using the RICE method of treating the knee and generally taking it easy.

Why did I try sparring again? Because I find sparring to be life-affirming for me--I challenge my fears, I test my skill against another person in a controlled setting. Getting ready for sparring was exciting: the trainer actually put vaseline on my face, which of course you see in real boxing matches, and put some on our gloves as well.

I was sparring with Kenny, a young man who's much stronger than me (though I may be in equal or better cardio condition). He's studied boxing for a year (and took two years of karate when he was young, which he said helped keep him out of fights by boosting his confidence--he didn't feel the need to fight.) He was really good. He moved his head very well, and I found him a tough target to hit with my jab. He hopes to go into the Golden Gloves.

Since I had been able to train in boxing without hurting my knee, I truly hoped that I wouldn't get hurt during sparring. I was wrong. We didn't even finish the first round before I twisted my knee.

I could conceivably get a metal brace made for my knee. I do think my sparring days are over unless I go through another ACL reconstruction operation. If I did, I would likely opt for an allograft, since the biggest remaining problems from my prior surgery are from the incision to remove part of my patellar tendon to use as a graft. All in all, I'd rather not do the surgery, which would be painful, expensive and take me out of commission for months.

So today I have a stiff knee--I do hope and expect from experience that my mobility will increase with rest and time--and a couple of close people really mad at me. I do hope and expect from experience that issue will also improve with time.

1) Make Plans 2) Do Something Different

2011-06-24T21:35:00.000-04:00

I often find with exercise and training that the sequence is: You make a plan, something doesn't work out, so you make another plan.

Today, I set aside an hour to go the gym at work. My plan: do a core workout, do weights for legs (necessary with my missing right ACL), do weights for my upper body, then do some interval running on a treadmill for 15 minutes. Work intruded so I couldn't start right away; then one of the trainers at the gym wanted to dissuade me from using the weight machines, which isolate muscles, and switch to more natural weight training that uses multiple muscles. I like that idea (I've never been much of a weight trainer) but that talk took time and we decided to do a full lesson about it next week. By the time I was through with the weight machines, there was no time for running.

That's alright, I thought, I've got a boxing class tonight.

I showed up at the Friday night class and, since I'm new to it, I forgot something, as I always do. Actually, this time I forgot three things: 1) Wraps (essential to protect the bones of the hands when punching), 2) my soft knee brace, which I find helpful on my right knee, and 3) removing my wedding ring (hitting bags hard bends rings).

But another thing was missing: The trainer didn't show up. ("First time ever," someone from the gym told me.)

So I did five three-minute rounds of jump rope on the padded ring floor (my shins are a little sore afterward--uh-oh, hope it's not shin splints), several rounds of shadow boxing, a couple of rounds on the double-end bag, and, awkwardly since I had gloves on, a round on the speed bag (usually you use wrapped hands on the speed bag). I did a little, not-so-forceful heavy-bag training, since I didn't have wraps.

I worked up a sweat, got some training in, and then headed home.

A New Direction

2011-06-19T09:53:00.000-04:00

I was writing this content for my bio on the blog, and I decided it made a good post in itself:

I'm 55 and transitioning into boxing from mixed martial arts after suffering my second ACL tear in five years. I've decided not to undergo a second ACL repair, and look to boxing as an activity that satisfies my desire for an intensive workout in a fighting art but that puts my knees at less risk.

The change is a natural one in some ways, because I have long been fascinated by boxing; moreover, I learned many boxing techniques at my school. Boxing is a very technical art--the "sweet science"--and I enjoy riding the learning curve in most activities I do.

Still, it's wrenching to see a time when I will exit my mixed martial arts school, where I attended for more than a decade, and where, on May 17, 2009, I received my black belt.

Moreover, i follow blogs of some martial artists--some of them ACL recoverees--and see great value in the cultural aspects of their pursuits. Boxing has a very different culture--albeit also one with a long history.

Ten years ago, when I first joined my martial arts school, it was itself transitioning to mixed-martial-arts school from Shotokan karate. While the school retained some of the attributes of karate, including belts, senses and respect, it focused instead on kickboxing and grappling.

As I began this blog, I was recovering from ACL reconstruction surgery. With three minutes remaining in my black belt test, I tore the anterior cruciate ligament in my left knee and had to stop. My surgery was on March 27, 2007.

What I'm Leaning in Boxing

2011-06-17T08:05:00.000-04:00

Technical aspects of the Sweet Science:

1. Stance: Since I'm not kicking, my stance needs to be much less square to the opponent. My shoulder needs to be forward (it's part of the protection for my chin when I'm jabbing).

2. I can move my head to either left or right when jabbing--that's a revelation. It seems to require somewhat different foot movement also.

3. As I was told in mixed martial arts, RELAX. Tense up at the point of impact.

4. Stay on my toes (again, not a new lesson--but interestingly, it seems a bit easier in the boxing/wrestling shoes).

5. Move forward, not back.

6. I'm trying to learn footwork for advancing while throwing uppercuts. Not quite doing it automatically yet.

7. Move the body and head in throwing uppercuts.

I've done shadow boxing with an opponent, but not any sparring yet. I do want to do some sparring eventually. One step at a time.

My knee feels fine. The knuckles are sore!

A New Type Of Shoe

2011-06-12T15:10:00.003-04:00

I bought more training clothes--shorts and a shirt. The new Everlast gloves are due Monday. But it really sank in that I'm serious about boxing when I bought special shoes today. Technically, they're wrestling shoes--people suggested them for gripping the mat, and it's easier to find wrestling shoes to try on for size.

They feel very different from regular shoes, and aren't meant for outdoors wear.

Healthy Rage

2011-06-11T08:14:00.001-04:00

It's been a difficult week at work, but a good week in terms of working out. I had my two boxing classes, and I made it to the gym at work, and the track on Sunday, every other day.

Conning, a friend on Facebook with whom I worked briefly some years back, and who always remembers my interest in boxing and martial arts, told me recently I have a "healthy rage" burning inside and that I use as a "positive force." This was surprising to me because I think of myself as a very rational, level-headed person. I asked my wife about whether she thought I had some rage inside, and she immediately agreed, which again surprised me; but as I thought about it, I realized they were right.

This post could turn into a commentary right now about how clueless men are about themselves, but that's not where I'm going.

I guess I have to accept that being level-headed and a good planner isn't incompatible with rage. My interest in martial or combat sports is a sign of that healthy rage.

There is a point of view, expressed in the book The Belief Instinct, that life isn't fair or unfair, it just is, because it made no promises to anyone. And while I understand the logic of that perspective, it's hard for me to live that way--I feel life made some basic promises to me and to the people I care about. And I think for me that healthy rage may come from the feeling that those promises haven't all been kept.

Anger, when channeled, can be a helpful emotion. And there's certainly a history of troubled and angry young men, from Bernard Hopkins on down, who found in boxing a channel for their anger, allowing them to live better, or to simply live. I remember the comment from the boxing reality show "The Contender" by Cornelius "K-9" Bundrage that without boxing, he would be dead now, from drugs and gang life that would have occupied him instead. And as deeply troubled as Mike Tyson's life has been, I remember him in a documentary weeping with gratitude at what his trainer "Cus" D'Amato had given him--it was the experience of having a father, of being protected, of learning how to defend himself.

I don't think I have the level of anger those boxers display by any means--my life has been much easier. But I'm sure that, without some kind of rage fueling the furnace, I wouldn't work as hard at my job, or at being in shape, or at living with and trying to find solutions to life's difficult situations.

Boxing Class

2011-06-09T21:39:00.001-04:00

I've had two boxing classes. They've been a great workout, and I've even started making a friend or two. When I was done, my shirt looked like I had been swimming in it. My knee, with one slight tweak, has been just fine. Things are looking up.

Late Middle-Aged Martial Artist (Boxer Version)

2011-06-05T13:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I turned 55, which I believe is the gateway to "late middle age." I had a nice day; a little physical therapy in the AM, followed by a trip to the big Apple for a quick lunch in Koreatown and then some time at the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my wife and daughter (haven't been there in years; amazing place). Then back to an Irish restaurant on Long Island to have dinner with them and my son.

This morning, I got up early, went to the high school track, jogged/ran for a mile, then did a number of sprints up the bleachers overlooking the track.

Tonight, I'll put together a bag of equipment for my trial boxing class, which I'm taking tomorrow night.

Watching A Boxing Class: This Ain't No Dojo

2011-06-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

Last night, after more physical therapy for my knee, my buddy The Hulk and I went to watch a boxing class in the basement of a local gym.

It's a very different environment from my (and most) martial arts schools in my experience. For starters, it was an entirely male group--no women at all. And the guys mostly looked like my buddy The Hulk--big biceps, oozing strength. My build is more the lean, mean fighting machine--well, lean, in any case. It was a bit intimidating, I must say.

The boxing class was both more individualized and less structured than my martial arts classes. The class instructor--a former Golden Gloves boxer, with a bit of a world-weary attitude--was in the ring, working up a sweat, working with the individuals for three minute rounds. Initially they were punching without gloves, with only wrapped hands on his wrapped hands. Then later they put on gloves, and were hitting mits and slipping/ducking to avoid his own (leisurely) punches. He worked on them to move around the ring the whole time. When they weren't working with the instructor, they were outside the ring, on their own, punching a variety of bags or shadow boxing.

Unlike a dojo, everyone was wearing something different, even on their feet. Some wore running shoes, some wore specialized boxing shoes, some were in bare feet.

Being in a basement, it wasn't light and airy like dojos I've seen. The boxers had one side of the room; the other was taken up by a kickboxing class--again, all men.

There was another, younger instructor walking around the side of the room--he said he had more than 80 amateur fights--and I listened as he gave pointers to one of the boxers working on his uppercuts. His instruction was strikingly insightful. He told me when we chatted later that he really focuses on form, and you could see that from what he was telling the student. I learned a lot.

The next class is Monday night. So now my plan is to show up, take a trial class, see how my ACL-lessknee holds up, see how I like it.

The Boxer As Martial Artist

2011-05-29T19:57:00.000-04:00

Would I still be a middle-aged martial artist if I were a boxer?

I ask because now a second doctor has told me that kicking without an ACL is not a good idea--at least, kicking hard is a bad idea. And I'm finding myself drawn to the idea of taking up boxing as an amazing form of exercise, and perhaps eventually for sparring.

A week ago, I saw a physiatrist--a doctor of physical medicine and rehabilitation. My thought was that he would be less focused on surgery, more on recovery, and would be a good judge of what I can and can't do physically without an ACL.

Among other things, he tested the strength of my leg, to see if the muscles around the knee can stand in, to some extent, for a missing ACL. His judgment: "You're stronger than you look." Uh, thanks, Doc...I think....

He explained that one of the risks of kicking hard with my injured leg, even against a bag, is that without an ACL, the knee will travel too far--and in the long run, that would put me at risk of arthritis. And I know I don't want to kick while putting weight on my injured leg, which is how I got hurt in the first place.

Also not good ideas: tennis, basketball, soccer--sports involving a lot of cutting movement. Wrestling/grappling are out as well.

What activities can I do? He said running, sprinting, even sprinting up stairs are fine--as long as I don't bend my leg too far by, say, taking multiple steps in one bound.

As for martial arts, he suggested ones that don't involve kicking--wing chun, for instance.

I asked about boxing. He said that would be okay as well. I would need to be sure, when stepping to the side, that I put my foot flat on the mat. Stepping on the outside or inside of my foot would re-injure my knee (I think that's what happened when I twisted my knee again just trying to sit in a confined space). He even said he thought I could jump rope, a favorite boxing workout, if I did so on a cushioned surface and not a hard floor.

I know that boxing workouts are amazing exercise (I once took a trial class at a cool downtown Manhattan gym called Trinity Boxing Club, but I'm too far away now to attend there). My friend Tracy Hutt swears by them.

One of the instructors at my school was saying that I could focus on boxing instead of kicking in class, and I may try that. But it's looking more and more like I will be boxing for exercise in the near future.

Why Train?

2011-05-21T20:47:00.000-04:00

Blogger Felicia of Bushido Road asked in a recent post, "Why do you train?" She focused on the self-defense aspect of training.

One of the surprising things I've realized in this stretch, where my torn ACL has interrupted my training, is that self defense has more of a role in my motivation than I realized.

I nominally took up martial arts as a form of self-health defense, so to speak--to get into shape in an enjoyable way and avoid the health problems I was beginning to experience (weight gain, high cholesterol, etc.) in my early 40s.

But I as I have contemplated the possibility that my injury could interfere on a long-term basis with training, my thoughts were focused more than I expected on how I would defend myself without the ability to use my leg as I was taught. Interesting--that's not what I expected to be thinking about.

Friday the 13th Tale

2011-05-13T20:55:00.000-04:00

My return visit to my orthopedic surgeon today was inauspiciously timed.

He bent my leg, shook it, made sure I realized it wasn't healthy, and rendered his verdict: If I lead an active life, eventually I'm not going to be happy with my knee and I'll come back for surgery. "You're not a potato on the couch," he said. He even said activities like running and sprinting--which don't involve cutting, pivoting or torquing the knee--would lead to knee pain, an assertion that left me, frankly, surprised and dubious.

My verdict: I'm continuing with physical therapy, and I'm going to see a physical medicine and rehab physician--a physiatrist--to see get suggestions on how to stay active without surgery.

No doubt, my body is conspiring against me. I caught a cold a week ago, which restricted my exercise and even PT; I twisted my knee again two weeks ago in an unlucky accident. (My orthopedic surgeon said a torn ACL used to be known as a "trick knee" that "went out" every once in a while. I've heard the term before.)

I take heart from a 2010 New York Times article, cited originally by in the Just A Thought blog, that cited research saying people with ACL tears who had physical therapy alone had improvements after two years comparable to people who had ACL surgery. The PT-only group had knees that were less stable, but that instability didn't seem to be a big deal. The study authors were quoted in the article:

there is no apparent downside of starting a good rehab program and waiting with the surgery decision to see if it is needed or not.

I figure that a physiatrist is much more likely to know what I can do, how much I can do, and how to do it safely with a torn ACL. My appointment is a week from tomorrow; I wish it were tomorrow.

That said, I do feel--and I sweat somewhat saying this in a martial arts blog--for the time being, I must interrupt my mixed martial arts training. I've suffered grievous injury twice to my knees from kicking or being swept in mixed martial arts, and that's a fact that looms very large at the moment.

The thought occurs to me that boxing might be a way of giving myself a similarly intense workout to mixed martial arts, but without kicking or sweeping. It might even offer me a way of continuing to spar, which has challenged and enlivened me in mixed martial arts (though I'd definitely want to talk to the physiatrist about whether and how to do that--e.g., would I need a knee brace?).

I'm facing lots of questions; I don't know where this journey will end up. The next step, when I get up from writing this entry, will be to do another set of physical therapy exercises, and to continue to be patient.

Steps Forward, Back--Sideways

2011-05-04T20:28:00.000-04:00

On Friday, I twisted the heck out of my knee again--just trying to sit down in a confined space. My foot got caught on something so when I put my weight on my right leg, the foot wasn't under the knee--and so my missing ACL wasn't there to keep my knee from twisting. Very painful. Rest, ice, compression, elevation.

I took a couple of days off from PT at home, and have since resumed. I haven't trained at my school, though I've done the elliptical machine at the gym (and some of the PT is real strength training for my legs).

It's worrisome to me that I could re-injure my leg just trying to sit down.

On Friday the 13th, I'm going back to the doctor, following a month of PT, to see what he says and, I suspect, order a brace. Then I have to decide what I will do.

Physical Therapy, Exercise, Careful Training

2011-04-17T08:50:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a bit encouraged about my prospects of continuing to train, with modifications, post ACL tear.

I've been to three physical therapy sessions, and have been good about doing my PT exercises twice daily. Compared to working out, the PT exercises don't feel like they're doing much, but they are clearly doing something to strengthen the muscles around my knee and give me more range of motion (a limitation imposed by the meniscus tear).

I've gone on the elliptical machine at the gym at work three times. I'm using it because there's a limited motion and there's no impact, but I can still get a good cardio workout.

I have also now taken three classes in my mixed martial arts school. I have been very careful about kicks, and my knee has been fine. It's good to see my friends and instructors and to continue to get a workout.

One of those workouts was a private class with our school's Joshu, a young (20s), very skilled martial artist and a friend. We just worked on form for punches and kicks (again, being careful not to do anything that would torque my ACL-less right knee). I had developed a way of throwing round kicks that involved a lot of leaning and turning in order to avoid punches. He worked with me to move my hips independently of my shoulders, which should speed up the kick, allow me to focus more on the target, and I think put me at less risk of torque injuries to my remaining good leg. It will take time to undo prior habits.

I'm not going to spar until I get a knee brace, which I plan to order from my doctor when I see him in three weeks.

My plan continues to be that I will not get ACL reconstruction surgery. I needed ACL reconstruction four years ago to get my black belt. I don't believe I need the ACL reconstruction if I am training for fun and fitness, and if I am very careful.

There's some precedent.

There are, I realized, two women in my school who ruptured their ACLs and who continue to train wearing braces. They're both excellent athletes; they'v had mixed success training in their condition.

One is a second-degree black belt who has been without one of her ACLs for many years. She's one of those amazing Gumby-like types who's about a foot taller than me but can kick me in the head. I haven't seen her on my abbreviated training schedule, but when I do, I will definitely talk with her about how she takes care of her knee. She does some sparring; she doesn't do grappling. Mostly she takes the "core" classes that are bag workouts.

The other fellow student offers a bit of a cautionary tale. She's also a good athlete and is a former cop. However, she did injure her other knee a few months ago--I believe while sparring--and has some discomfort in her daily activities.

That's what I don't want to do.

So for now, it's PT and patience for me.

Facing Uncertainty with Patience

2011-04-10T21:42:00.002-04:00

It's going to take patience to work through this ACL tear and figure out what I can and should do.

On Friday morning, I got the diagnosis from my doctor--complete ACL tear in my right knee, plus meniscus damage.

My leg isn't painful except when I bend it too far (meniscus) or I step in a way the knee becomes unstable (ACL). It's more my brain that's sore.

My doctor, who had performed ACL reconstruction surgery on my left knee four years ago, said Friday morning he expected that without an ACL, I could run and eventually probably even sprint--which I'd been doing lately for conditioning. The day before, I had gone on an elliptical machine for 22 minutes, and my leg felt fine at the time. It was a little sore an hour later, which a naproxen took care of. My doctor thought that activity was fine, and said the knee is still healing from the initial incident.

However, while running is okay, he thinks that martial arts would put me at risk of further damage to the knee, which is unstable without an ACL, because martial arts involves torquing the knee. A knee brace wouldn't help with torquing.

I don't want to have ACL reconstruction surgery again. I simply can't afford the time away from work and life it would require right now; in any case, the doctor said the knee needs to heal before surgery, so there's no rush.

The reason my head hurts is that, while I don't want to do ACL surgery, I also do want to continue training.

My martial arts instruction got me into shape; it taught me to face up to my fears; to face up to conflict instead of avoiding it; that getting hit just means I'm still in the fight; that I can protect myself. These are all extremely important things to me, body and soul.

I could maintain my conditioning even if I gave up martial arts. But I would be leaving behind a crucial part of my life if I had to give up my school due to my injury.

I have decided to respond with patience.

I'm going to do physical therapy for a month to strengthen the muscles around the knee to compensate for the lack of an ACL. I'm going to discuss with the therapist, or perhaps even a physiatrist, what activities I can safely do.

I'm going to very carefully try to take certain martial arts classes. On Friday evening, I took a "core" class that entails a bag workout and physical and strength conditioning, but no sparring. I was very careful; my knee was a little sore afterward but fine. Oddly, one of the most difficult things in class was some of the stretching at the beginning.

I'm going to have to leave grappling behind, which I'm fine about.

I would like to carefully, carefully try out sparring, including being selective about partners. I will probably be boxing more than kickboxing--a shame since my kicks were pretty good.

I'll see how my leg does. I'll talk about my situation to doctors and others (including a remarkable classmate who does train without an ACL).

I'll give it time.

"Complete Tear of the Proximate Anterior Cruciate Ligament...."

2011-04-08T08:51:00.002-04:00

"MRI of the right knee demonstrates a complete tear of the proximate anterior cruciate ligament with osteochondral impaction injury of the lateral condyle and bone contusion of the lateral proximal tibia. Complex tear of the posterior horn medial meniscus involving both aeticular surfaces with associated posteromedial capsular sprain and small joint effusion"

MRI

2011-04-06T22:22:00.001-04:00

I got an MRI for my right knee this evening. I'll get the word from my doctor Friday morning.

My knee is definitely stronger this time around than last--it can hold me up without pain to do push-ups. So I'm thinking partial tear, maybe.

Meanwhile, I'll try out the elliptical machine at the gym at work tomorrow. And a low-key martial arts class Friday. Sensei said he would give me a workout that kept my knee safe.

three Letters

2011-04-01T21:50:00.001-04:00

My doctor, after examining my leg today, uttered my three least favorite letters: A C L. He suspects a tear. Not to mention meniscus damage. MRI on Wednesday. I feel downcast--but still determined to find a way through. One thing I don't want: Another ACL reconstruction.

Twisted Knee

2011-03-27T08:41:00.000-04:00

I am thinking this blog should be perhaps renamed "The Middle-Aged Martial Artist's Knee."

On Friday evening, at my sparring class, I twisted my right knee (it's the left knee that got the ACL reconstruction). It was immediately and extremely painful; I dropped to the floor on my back and had to discontinue the class.

I was sparring with a young brown belt, and I used a punch-move-kick combination I'd been working on for a few weeks. At the end of the combination, I pivot and step slightly to my right and throw what, for me anyway, is a relatively high kick--into the opponent's midsection. My younger opponent grabbed my leg (I wasn't kicking very hard) and held it.

So my entire weight was on my right knee, while I was standing, rather like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, stretched out horizontally on top of it. Either through his torque or my falling or both, my right knee torqued/twisted, and down goes Bob.

I've been resting, elevating, icing the knee and taking anti-inflammatory painkillers since then, and the knee feels better. It's still tender, hurts when twisting at all, and hurts when I bend it a significant distance.

I don't think the ACL is torn. My biggest worry is that my restricted range of motion when bending the knee suggests I've got a meniscus tear.

Injuries are always frustrating.

Right now I feel I'm in my best shape in years. I've been supplementing my martial arts training with running two or three days a week on the treadmill at the gym at work (which doesn't cut into time at home). Lately I've been trying to do interval work on the treadmill--sprint, run, sprint, etc.

My weight is down to 185-187 pounds (about 84 kg); to put into context, I'm about 6'2" or 188 cm. While my grappling has been very frustratingly bad, I've been making real strides my sparring, which is my main interest, after being on a plateau for a long time. A new assistant instructor at my school has noted my eagerness to improve and has taken me under his wing with good results.

My hope is that I will be able to return soon to running and to my martial arts classes (though I shudder to think what kneeling for grappling would feel like). I'm hoping with time I'll have less restrictions on my range of motion; already it seems to be improving, though I did try squatting this morning and had to let out a gasp when it hurt to get low.

Right now I'd really prefer not to go the route of surgery.

If anybody has any experience that could shed light on what to expect, I'd love to hear about it.

R-E-L-A-X

2011-03-06T09:26:00.002-05:00

A day off--truly off. Went to Philadelphia with wife and daughter (college break) and saw a terrific production of Swan Lake. I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off as well. Normally between the intense hours at work, the long commute (about 2:30 on a good day), training time, family time and chores, there's little time left.

I'm training three days a week, five hours; run at the office gym ontwo days I'm not training. My weight's steadily below 190 lbs. (I'm 6'2" tall) and my conditioning's good. My sparring and, even more so, grappling skills suffered when I took a couple months easy on contact due to a rib injury. Sparring is coming back; really trying to work on a strong guard, getting angles, moving. Grappling, which doesn't come as natural will take longer. I need more flexibility,especially in my hips.

Most of all, my instructors are telling me to RELAX. In grappling, it's easier to control a board than Jell-o. In sparring, relaxing will allow me to think, move and respond better.

Missing Class

2011-02-02T20:10:00.001-05:00

I feel slightly guilty for missing class tonight, and annoyed at the demands work and, in particular, my commute placed on me today. Technically, I coud have grabbed my gear when I walked in the door and made it to class. But I hadn't eaten dinner, I was exhausted from a hellish, long winter commute in the morning, and I wanted to spend time with my wife. So I called in and missed class and had dinner with my wife. I realize it sets back my training but it felt necessary tonight.

A (Long) Day In The Life

2011-01-21T19:07:00.001-05:00

Got up early, 5 AM, to get to work early. Walked through the snow with my MMA gear and caught an early train; in the office about 6:45.Long busy day. Hoped to leave work in time to meet my wife for a light dinner before training; no luck. Hoped to leave work early enough to make it to the first of two classes; no luck. Now on the way to the second, 8:15 class. Then it's back home to crash. TGIF.

10 Years on the Martial Arts Path

2011-01-15T12:06:00.000-05:00

I started my current martial arts journey 10 years ago this month.

My primary quest was better health; I was overweight and gaining pounds, my cholesterol was out of whack, I was easily winded and I no longer enjoyed the joy of movement I had felt so intensely as a young man in pursuits like basketball. A few weeks prior, I had a scare when a bit of skin cancer was cut off my ankle. It made me realize that bad things can happen to me, and I needed to get healthy.

Except for a few months out of commission due to my ACL tear and surgery, I've pretty much continuously been on the martial path since then. I'm meeting my health goals; I've lost 25 pounds from when I started, my good and bad cholesterol are in good shape, I've got stamina to keep up with the young guys in class. All this makes me feel good about myself.

But my martial arts school has become more than a way to be in shape. It's become a central part of my life; when things work out, I go to class three days a week for five hours of training, and I cross train by running on two other days. Some of my best friends I met at my school.

To my complete surprise, I discovered that I enjoy the sport and contact element (within limits) of training. It's life-affirming to face up to my fears, and to push the boundary of how hard I can exert myself.

It's an antidepressant and a stress reliever. There's no time for running through anxieties in my mind when I'm pushing my body as hard as it can go, or sparring or grappling with challenging opponents. When I'm done, I often feel not just tired, but calmer, more optimistic.

And it also appeals to my desire to keep improving and learning. It's a never-ending challenge.

End of Vacation; Fighting

2011-01-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

Alas, tomorrow the work week begins after two weeks off. I'll miss having so much time with my family.

I will return to training after taking one week off (I did train hard the week of Christmas), though I'm going to stay away from sparring and grappling for a bit more to be sure my rib is healed.

Martial arts blogger John Vesia had an interesting post back in November, which I'm only finding now, about boxers who could have been martial artists. It stimulated an interesting discussion about whether boxing is a martial art (many of his readers didn't think so), and whether fighting arts are martial arts. There's a boxing coach, Christy Halbert, author of The Ultimate Boxer, who makes the interesting argument that a boxing match isn't a fight because the boxers aren't angry at each other; they often have tremendous respect for their opponents in the ring.

An interesting perspective; but not the one in the movie The Fighter, which I watched today. Christian Bale in particular puts in a virtuoso performance as Micky Ward's crack-head brother. There's plenty of anger, and more fighting in the two brothers' family than there is in the ring. The crazy family dynamic, and Micky Ward's (Mark Wahlberg) effort to balance his needs with his need for his crazy family is the center of the movie.

Bale's performance was disturbing to me since it was reminiscent of a person I love who has a similar troubled personality though, thank God, not the addiction the character has. A very powerful movie.

A Pause

2010-12-30T11:16:00.001-05:00

Things are developing that I'm getting a break from training in the last week of the year. The blizzard on the U.S. East coast kept my school shut Monday; I've been out of town on a mini-break with my wife since Tuesday. On Friday and Saturday, the school is closed for New Year's.

It's not an unwelcome break, given that I'm nursing a bruised rib. Last week I did train, including running two days, though I concentrated on "core"/bag training classes and not grappling or standup sparring, which would have hurt my rib. Time off also gives me time to reflect.

I'm becoming increasingly interested in the practice of mindfulness,a concept from Buddhism that also is growing in psychological circles. I associate it more with traditional martial arts than with my mixed martial arts school. One aspect I'm very interested in is the idea of not judging or trying to push away suffering and troubling feelings, but embracing them.

owwWWWW

2010-12-22T22:09:00.002-05:00

I don't think I have a torn pec, I think I have a bruised upper rib. Took a punch there from Anthony while infighting; it hurt so much I couldn't move, even though the Joshu was yelling at me, "Punch back! Punch back!"

From an Internet article on bruised ribs:

Bruised ribs are notorious for their long healing time. Unfortunately, there is little you can do about bruised ribs as they tend to heal on their own. Typical healing time for bruised ribs is anywhere between 3 to 6 weeks. Once, you are diagnosed for bruised ribs, it is important that you prevent them from any further damage.

Tonight: Naproxen. Ice. Stretch. Hot shower.

Pec Pull

2010-12-20T23:30:00.001-05:00

I seem to have a strained pectoral muscle.

It might have gotten hurt Friday dueing kickboxing when I blocked a high kick with my arm. It's been a little sore, but tonight when I was grappling, when people put pressure on my chest it was intensely painful. Then in sparring it was mildly sore and not an issue.

I've never heard of a strained pec, but I suppose any muscle can get pulled.

Violet KnockOut and the Judgment-Free Zone

2010-12-18T09:37:00.000-05:00

I went a few Saturdays ago to my first Roller Derby. I was there accompanying my wife, who was running an outreach table for her her organization, which is in the mental health field. It was a charity event unlike any other I've attended.

One of the female contestants, I was told, was a clinical psychologist; her moniker for Roller Derby was Freudy N. Slip, and her "number" was DSM4 (shorthand for the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders). Other good names: Serial Mom, Jenny Bangs!, Whiskey Lullaby. Two of the best skaters were Violet KnockOut and C-Roll.

It was really fun. Everybody attending and participating looked exhilarated. One interesting thing was how non-judgmental the atmosphere was. Some of the skaters were big and some were big and butch and some were petite and limber, and nobody seemed to care how they looked. People were just having fun.

Fun, that is, plus knocking the other skaters onto their asses. But I didn't see anybody get mad about getting knocked down (though I'm sure it had to happen at some point).

There is also also a non-judgmental atmosphere in martial arts schools at their best. Unlike gyms, everybody wears the same outfit in a dojo, which tends to muffle some of the differences in wealth and build. There's often a very encouraging spirit (if also a very challenging one.) Certainly I give credit to everybody showing up, no matter what their body shape, because the easiest thing to do would have been simply to stay on the couch at home.

A Commodity In Short Supply

2010-11-21T19:04:00.001-05:00

A college friend in touch with me via Facebook and old-fashioned telephone said to me, "It sounds like you don't do much beyond work and 'grappling.'"

I did figure out a while back that, on average, I have two hours a weekday night for everything I need to do--eat dinner, talk with my wife, do chores or bills or whatever needs doing. This two hours is what's left after work, commuting, martial arts training, an hour to get ready in the morning, and 8 hours of sleep.

And sometimes work intrudes into those two hours. At the very least, I'm checking the BlackBerry.

At a certain point, I can't keep this schedule up, and that happened last week. I missed class Monday because I worked late. Wednesday, I was exhausted but took two hours of class. The first hour, standup sparring, was the best sparring I've done in a long time. It showed that putting in two hours a week on sparring, and paying close attention to instructors, is paying off.

The next hour, grappling, saw me getting crushed by everybody, including some of the people I picked apart in sparring. But I did ask my sensei about why I keep getting put into a cradle by the big guys (weighting 30 or 40 pounds more than me), and he showed me that I stay too rigid when they pass my guard--I need to switch to a looser, more flexible defense at that point. Being rigid just lets the big guys manhandle me easier. Interesting; I'll see how that pans out. I'm sure it will take some trial to get it right, but definitely what I'm doing now ain't working.

But Friday, I missed class because of one of the few work-related parties I attend each year. I vowed not to get plastered, and indeed, I was able to hold the wine to a single glass, so I could get up in the morning for the Saturday 8:30 AM yoga class I enjoy with my wife--it's fun to share a form of exercise we both enjoy. (I did also get time in on the rowing machine at work Tuesday and Thursday.)

This coming week, between Thanksgiving and travel plans, I'll get little training in. But maybe a bit of a break will help me enjoy it more when I return.

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the martial arts.

A Good Week Of Training

2010-11-14T08:15:00.001-05:00

In training, you make a plan, things get in the way, and you come up with another plan.

Monday: An hour of grappling.
Tuesday: Rowing machine at the gym at work.
Wednesday: First setback: Had to settle for one hour of sparring; couldn't stay for the second hour of grappling.
Thursday: Rowing machine again at work.
Friday: Worked late, got to class late; so I just took 3/4 of an hour of "core" class (bag workout, cardio, strength training) and one hour of sparring. Was reminded that when I'm jabbing, it's not enough to keep my right hand at my cheek--I need to move it in front of my face for protection.
Saturday: Two hours of training: First hour, grappling; second hour, sparring, which included among my first two rounds of actual MMA fighting--starting in standup, transitioning to grappling but with punches allowed.
Today: Blessed Rest.

Grappling: Psychological Questions

2010-11-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

1. I was paired with a woman in our class Monday night, a lower belt who's doing well at grappling. My sensei said, "Don't crush her." I'm rarely paired with women. I wanted to let her work on her grappling. At first, I got her into an arm triangle forcing her to tap out. But then I let her go for submissions; twice she went for guillotines, and while I didn't give her the submissions, I also didn't try to power out of them or use really rigorous defense; I just tapped out. I thought it would be good for her to get the tapouts.
Later I wondered, did I do the right thing? My sensei and very skilled black belts like Anthony don't allow themselves to be tapped out. Did I lose standing in the eyes of some classmates by tapping out to a lower-belt female? Or is it in my head?

2. I've come to realize I have a psychological block in grappling: When an opponent has good side control, is putting a lot of weight on me--especially when some of that pressure is on my mouth--I find myself becoming short of breath, worrying that I won't get enough oxygen. In short, I panic. And I tap out, even though I'm not in a choke or lock. It's happening with increasing frequency.
I'll certainly talk with my sensei about it, but: How do I break that debilitating panic reaction?

Standup sparring is going well, I feel like I'm learning a lot by going to two classes a week. There's always lots to learn, but I no longer feel like I'm stuck on a plateau, not making any advances.

Funny, But...

2010-11-07T21:21:00.000-05:00

A couple of younger guys at work--too young to have made the realization their health depends on what they do--have a joke about themselves: "Every day is the fattest day of my life."

I trust they'll figure it out eventually, and it will no longer be true. I hope so, anyway.

Dialogue: Husband and Wife

2010-10-29T06:08:00.001-04:00

Bob: slaps his stomach repeatedly and quickly
Jeanne: What's that sound?
Bob: (stops slapping) I was slapping my stomach.
Jeanne: Why are you doing that?
Bob: I saw a boxer on TV. To get him ready for matches, his trainer hits him in the stomach with a round stick.
Jeanne: Please don't get any more weird about physical fitness!
Bob: heh heh heh.

Variation

2010-10-13T22:02:00.000-04:00

I've been doing more double-class nights--a "sick workout" one of the instructors, a 24-year-old, called it.

Monday night, a single grappling class, I did really well. Got that instructor in an arm triangle and he really had to work to get out of it. (Then he quickly tied me up in knots, but it's the first time I ever got anything good on him.) Did well against other classmates, including two who weigh 30-50 pounds more than me. One I got into a kimura. One I just got out of a bad position and survived.

Tonight: Double class, standup (kickboxing) then grappling. Two hours. Kickboxing, I did well. Grappling, I did terrible. And I was up against some of the same people.

Amazing the variation.

Tough

2010-09-30T20:15:00.001-04:00

Two instructors in my school were talking about a guy they train with at the school's headquarters. If this guy doesn't respect your jab, he head-butts it.

Jeez.

Taking Blows

2010-09-22T21:14:00.002-04:00

Martial arts helped me get through a difficult day.

Without going into detail, I was getting beat up at work. Decisions made several levels above me were putting me in a difficult, unhappy, frustrating position. It all weighed heavily on my mind. I do tend to brood on things.

I left work, came to my martial arts school a bit early, and went to a standup/kickboxing class, not my normal one. Even at the stage of drills, the exertion, the effort to react quickly, the effort to keep good form took my mind off my frustrating day. Then came actual sparring--and there certainly was no time to brood.

I did say to the Joshu instructing the class at one point, while we were putting on our gear, "I don't care what happens here, I can't get beat up as bad as I was at work!" And yeah, at one point a speedy 20-year-old sempai did clock me a bit with a good hook. But in the grand scheme of things it only hurt briefly, and I fought well overall.

At the end of class, the Joshu was reviewing front kicks we had worked on, and he talked about how well I throw the front-leg push kick, how I use it like a jab. I don't get that kind of praise every day; and coming at the end of day like this one, I felt really grateful to hear a good word about myself.

Here's hoping everybody has smooth and un-frustrating days; but when you don't, it's good to have an art to fall back on that can take your mind off your troubles, and give you rewards in terms of health, camaraderie and the satisfaction of occasionally mastering difficult skills.

Philosophy and (A) Martial Art

2010-09-18T13:44:00.005-04:00

People sometimes say that I seem like the last person they would expect to be interested in boxing or contact martial arts. The implication is that I'm a thoughtful person, why would I be interested in such violent, thoughtless pursuits?

Here's an interesting answer from an instructor of philosophy and boxing, in an opinion piece he wrote in the NY Times. He says in part:

In much of Eastern philosophy, in contrast, the search for wisdom is more holistic [than in the West]. The body is considered inseparable from the mind, and is regarded as a vehicle, rather than an impediment, to enlightenment. The unmindful attitude towards the body so prevalent in the West blinkers us to profound truths that the skin, muscles and breath can deliver like a punch.

While different physical practices may open us to different truths, there is a lot of wisdom to be gained in the ring. Socrates, of course, maintained that the unexamined life was not worth living, that self-knowledge is of supreme importance. One thing is certain: boxing can compel a person to take a quick self-inventory and gut check about what he or she is willing to endure and risk. As Joyce Carol Oates observes in her minor classic, “On Boxing”:

Boxers are there to establish an absolute experience, a public accounting of the outermost limits of their beings; they will know, as few of us can know of ourselves, what physical and psychic power they possess — of how much, or how little, they are capable.

In a different essay, this author, Gordon Marino, writes:

The capacity to tolerate fear is essential to leading a moral life, but it is hard to learn how to keep your moral compass under pressure when you are cosseted from every fear. Boxing gives people practice in being afraid.

I think part of the appeal of a contact martial art is facing up to your fear; learning, as Oates says, something about your limits. I'll likely never know the kind of outermost limit that competitive boxers and martial artists know--but I sure felt a lot of fear before my one tournament; there I learned that I can take a really powerful kick to the gut and keep fighting. And in its own way, I felt fear testing for my black belt--that's where I got my ACL torn, after all.

Even sparring against a young, wicked-fast black belt in class can present fear that needs to be conquered, even if that person has good control and you know it.

I'm happy that a philosopher is backing an interest in contact martial arts.

Maybe it was the big cookie I ate at lunch;

2010-09-13T22:08:00.001-04:00

maybe it was the class I missed last week; maybe it's sunspots; but whatever the reason, I just had the worst night I've had in grappling in months. Ugh.

To Repair ACLs--Or Not?

2010-08-28T08:35:00.000-04:00

Wow--Michele of Just A Thought posted on a really confounding study, cited by the New York Times earlier in August, that found people who just went through rehab after tearing their ACL had just about the same outcomes in terms of pain and function of their knees as people who, like Michele, me and lots of others, went through ACL reconstruction surgery.

My first reactions were 1) that can't be true, and 2) I went through all that pain for nothing?

I don't know what I think at this point. I do know that I was repeatedly collapsing on the floor in martial arts class due to the instability of my knee--and it's highly likely that those collapses contributed to the meniscus tear that also got repaired during my ACL surgery. Perhaps immediate physical therapy would have strengthened my leg enough I wouldn't have had those collapses.

There's no question that a leg with ACL reconstruction is more stable, it seems. The question is just how important that stability is.

Part of the back and forth about ACL surgery in the article was:

“Most subjects can do in-line activities” like running or biking “without an A.C.L.” He [an ACL surgeon] adds, “On the other hand, we believe that A.C.L.-deficient subjects that do return” to sports involving cutting, pivoting or planting the leg “can consequently injure the meniscus” or other cartilage in the knee and would benefit from a replacement A.C.L.

The authors of the study are less sure. “On the basis of our study results, we’d tell patients” that “there is no apparent downside of starting a good rehab program and waiting with the surgery decision to see if it is needed or not,” the authors wrote to me.

Well, I've done ACL surgery, and I feel it allows me to pivot, balance on one leg, and absorb blows better than I would have been able to do. But there clearly are some downsides to ACL surgery, including intense pain and a long recovery period. As Black Belt Mama's horrific experience shows, not all ACL surgeries work out--she just had to have new surgery to repair damage from unsuccessful ACL surgery.

And frankly, it's a little creepy to me that my left leg has never quite grown back in size to match the right leg--it's not that I look like I had polio or anything, but if you look closely you can usually see the difference.

There's one black belt in our school who had a torn ACL years ago and who never got it repaired. She's a terrific black belt, and has all her functionality in sparring (she's a "little thang," maybe 5'3" or so, but she can kick me in the head!). She does wear a brace when she spars. She doesn't grapple, where I assume the brace would get in the way.

I'm not going to regret getting ACL surgery and having a more stable knee. But I think I will advise my friends who have injured ACLs and who haven't gotten surgery yet to consider physical rehab before they decide on getting the surgery.

Many thanks to Michele for pointing this article out.

End of Summer

2010-08-25T19:22:00.000-04:00

A lot of changes are in the works here. Our daughter moves into her dorm in New York City on Sunday, and it's going to be really tough seeing her go, though she's nearby. Our son is starting to take a full course load farther out on Long Island, along with work and his own apartment, all of which is great.

To help pay for all this college, we're trying to live a bit more simply. For one thing, we've gone down to one car, which I kind of like; my wife gives me a ride in the morning to the train, and it's nice to see her even if she's sleepy.

New beginnings for my kids, and the fall season, call for new beginnings for me. In martial arts, my goals are to improve my close-range sparring, boost my conditioning, flow better in grappling, and shave off a few more pounds to get down to a fighting weight below 190. I'm not specifically aiming for my second-degree black belt--that may require more effort than I can put into training right now, given the growing commitment my work is requiring.

Cheers to everybody, and enjoy the end of summer.

Best Laid Plans

2010-08-23T21:08:00.000-04:00

Was planning on going to grappling class last night. Long Island Railroad exploded instead. Made lemon out of lemonade--took the subway to my old neighborhood in Queens, my wife and daughter met me at a restaurant there. But got home way too late to make it to class.

I figure if I shoot for exercise six days a week, I'll get there four or five days.

Back from Vacation: Training

2010-08-13T11:27:00.000-04:00

Back from vacation, I plunged into work, where it felt like I was two weeks behind after one week of vacation. But I also got in some good training, including a couple of mornings running in the gym at work on the treadmill as cross training.

My school has new students from another school nearby that combined with ours, so there are new folks to spar and train with. I got a brown belt in a triangle choke, woohoo!

I put in extra time after my two grappling classes, working on my jab on the heavy bag and trying to practice close-range sparring. Last night, did standup sparring, and my jab and head movement were a little better; but I'm dropping my right hand (from exhaustion? from feeling like my opponents are juuust out of range? from concentrating on other things?) among other flaws.

I wouldn't keep coming back if there weren't always things I could improve, I guess.

DudeBro Bob

2010-08-06T11:36:00.001-04:00

Second day of surfing lessons. I got up early while Jeanne slept. Waves were much bigger today.

I didn't stand up all the way, best I did was get one leg up under me. It occurred to me that my reduced flexibility after ACL reconstruction probably makes it a little harder to bring that left leg up under my body the way it's supposed to.

I was nervous. I kept thinking about an older man I know who, some years back, broke his neck body surfing and is paralyzed from the neck down. I learned how to use the surfer's helmet (both arms cradling the head to cushion any impact), and that I should tumble with the wave instead of fighting it. I wiped out repeatedly. The first time, I actually felt my gorge rise from tumbling and nerves.

Surfer dude Matt, my instructor, said if you're not wiping out, you're not trying.

I don't think I'Ll be trading in my day job for the surfing circuit anytime soon.

Surfing Lesson

2010-08-05T11:11:00.001-04:00

My wife wanted to take a surfing lesson on vacation and I joined her. While waiting, I saw a guy come out of the water with half a board and joked, "ooh, a shark bit it!" And my wife looked me right in the eye and said,"Don't scare me any more than I already am," and I realized how nervous she was.

We were the only two students. Chris, our instructor, was right out of central casting, a blond California surfer dude with sunglasses and, he told us, a girlfriend from Spain.

We wore wetsuits due to the surprisingly cold water this season. On shore, he showed us where to lie on the long surfboard, how to paddle (arcing the chest and head up as in a "Superman" stretch) and safety practices like protecting your head with your hands when you've fallen off and come out of the water. We learned about wind, tide and how they effect waves for surfing. To our surprise, high tide was bad for surfing, but good for our lesson, because the waves are so close to the shore--you could break your neck falling off the board surfing, but it made it easier to get past the breaking wave zone for our lesson on the boards.

For me, the scariest moment was after I had first paddled past the breaking waves and the instructor went back in to bring Jeanne out also. I was in deeper water than I'd been in absent a boat, and while the waves weren't breaking there were a lot of big swells. The board felt unstable. I wondered how deep the dark-green water was and what was swimming under me.

In the water, we practiced paddling, turning the board, sitting up on the wobbling board and, of course, getting back on after falling off.

My wife got tired and the instructor brought her to shore. We had drifted, so I started paddling against the current and wind, parallel to the beach. Man, that's where I realized what a good workout you can get from surfing.

Back onshore, the instructor showed us how to pop up to actually ride a wave. The stance is sideways--closer to what I saw in a kenpo class (even more sideways than that, however) than the more forward-facing boxing/muay thai stance I naturally took.

As for actually riding a wave--maybe tomorrow when I take another class!

"The Amputee's Guide To Sex"

2010-07-31T12:18:00.003-04:00

In the past two days of my fresh vacation, I read a book of poems called "The Amputee's Guide To Sex," by the young poet Jillian Weise. In this blog, I wrestle with physical limitations in the martial arts like deepening middle age and ACL surgery. This poet (who is an amputee) is struggling with recurring pain, extreme reactions from other people, self-image issues, you name it. I couldn't read too many of the poems to my wife while she was driving, they were too emotionally raw.

The Uses of Being Flustered

2010-07-30T12:08:00.000-04:00

"Music is a gas," my old band teacher used to say, "because all you have to do is go around a corner and you run into somebody better than you." What a great attitude he had.

I was flustered last night in sparring class--my last before vacation--because the new sempai was just so much better than me. I found myself going back to bad habits from two or three years ago--bending down to avoid punches, narrowing my stance, even turning my back. To be sure, he had great control, he was not hitting hard enough to hurt me, but it did sting a bit, as it should. He would close the distance between us and I would get totally flustered.

In contrast, when I sparred with a couple of lower belts--even though they were much bigger than the new sempai, and roughly my height--I felt in control of the situation, able to spar at the distance I wanted. I felt safe.

So, when class was over--it was the last one of the night--I went up to Sensei and asked him for some things to think about over the next week, while I'm on vacation. Things he said:

1. When I jab, I should protect my chin with my shoulder, or move my head to the side.
2. He noticed that, when the sempai closed the gap with me, I would jab but move my front foot back so that I was standing on a very narrow base, and lose balance as he kept attacking. I had no idea I did that. So I need to move backward while jabbing by moving the rear foot back first. Basic stuff, but I don't do it when I'm flustered.

I said I need to practice, practice this stuff so that I can do it even when I'm flustered.

Beyond that, he said:

3. Stand my ground at times, don't back up. As he's closing the distance, I should even move forward sometimes, jamming his punches.
4. If he's in real close, push him away and throw a quick uppercut or hook as he's off balance. Sensei showed me how he practices that on a heavy bag.
5. And, as always, move my head, keep covered up.

Things to think about on vacation, and to practice, so I can do them even when I'm flustered or nervous about somebody closing the distance with me.

It was great that Sensei took the time to talk with me after class. I'm sure he wanted to get home.

New Black Belt in the School

2010-07-27T19:49:00.000-04:00

It's always interesting when a new black belt arrives from outside the school. On Monday, I met this new sempai, and he was a credit to his belt--he was polite, respectful and amazingly skilled. I would guess he's in his late 20s; he's training with my sensei for competitive fights, and he's going to be in our school for a while.

He could tie me in knots in grappling, but he was deliberate and safe in his movements--he stopped at one point when I grunted to make sure I was okay. (I make a lot of noise when I grapple, unfortunately!)

I'm sure I'll learn a lot grappling with him, I just have to retain it in my head. One of the most challenging things about grappling is retaining/calling up when necessary what I've learned--it's a very technically complex art. There's also the challenge of embedding what I've learned into muscle memory.

Standup (kickboxing) also has a muscle-memory element. But much more so than in grappling, the biggest challenge for me is getting past sensory and emotional overload (excitement, fear) in order to do what I have learned to do.

Workout Interruptus

2010-07-21T21:39:00.000-04:00

Missed grappling tonight; daughter is not feeling well, wife out at a class.

Tried starting up the 100 pushups project... again. Started at Week 3.

Then went into the basement, wrapped my hands, put on bag gloves and did some punching, slipping, kicking on the heavy bag. Spinning back kick keeps missing. Trying to train myself to throw/kick in combinations, to move my head, to move to the side instead of straight back.

The bag fell onto the ground. I spent some time screwing the supporting hook into the rafter again and getting the bag up again.

Started boxing, kicking, slipping, moving again.

Boom! Bag fell off again a few minutes later. The hook isn't working. I need a real connector now!

End of workout. At least I worked up a little sweat, and maybe drilled a few good habits.

Doc to Bob: "We're Getting Old"

2010-07-17T13:07:00.001-04:00

I had my annual physical this week. I still need to get blood work done, but the report was very positive, she said I'm doing great. Weight's good, blood pressure's good, etc.

I, being a worrier, told my doctor I was worried because I still have a cough left over from being sick last month.

Doc to Bob: "We're getting old. You were really sick last month," things tend to stay inflamed or take longer to heal when we get old. She said not to worry, I'm doing great.

Of course, it's a little jarring being told I'm old by somebody my age, as opposed to, say, my kids.

I think, technically speaking, she was jumping the gun. I'm still in middle age. I think next year, at 55, I'm in "late middle age."

Late-Middle-Aged Martial Artist?

A Benefit of Aging

2010-07-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

I finally got back to two classes Friday night, for the first time since I was sick last month. It felt good, though I was ready for bed when I got home.

I am often unwise enough to complain about the encroachment of age. But lately, the thought has occurred to me that I've lived long enough that some defects have turned into positives--or, to put it another way, some curses have turned into blessings.

Take my build.

I recently found stuck in a book of poetry a health certificate I got from the city of Houston when I was 19, something I needed for a summer job in construction. I weighed 165 pounds, and I was 6' 2" tall (well, 6' 1.5"). In metric terms, I was about 1.87 meters tall and weighed 75 kilograms.

I was really, really skinny.

I had a few kind people in my youth suggest that I needed bulking up. A coach at a basketball camp suggested heading to a gym and working out with weights. In my sophomore year of college, the first girlfriend I really, really liked gently dropped me after we had dated a few weeks; years later she told me one factor was I was just so ... skinny.

Eventually of course I gained weight, and ended up in a state where my cholesterol was too high and my waist line was pushing 40 inches. I started training in martial arts because it was a form of exercise I figured I would enjoy enough to stick with it. I lost close to 30 pounds, and was able to go off cholesterol pills. I weigh around 190 lb. now (~86 kg), a lot more than when I was 19, but a lot less than I did 10 years ago at 44.

I'm not very muscular. But recently three different guys who are trying to lose weight have remarked enviously on my slender figure. And it occurred to me that I've lived long enough that my build, which once seemed a hindrance to getting on the basketball team and keeping a girlfriend, has become an asset.

Job Taps Bob Out

2010-07-07T21:12:00.000-04:00

Well, no grappling tonight, I had to work late, got home without dinner with less than half an hour before class, wife out, daughter has friends (including a couple of boys) over.... It just didn't work tonight.

On the plus side, it was nice to spend a little time with my daughter, and we reminisced about an old show we used to like called "MXC: Most Extreme Elimination Challenge," in which a goofy Japanese game show called "Takeshi's Castle," full of weird contests and pratfalls, was dubbed into hilariously incongruous English. A U.S. version called "Wipeout" is on now, with Americans speaking English. While it's funny, it's no MXC.

My daughter's here only here a few more weeks before college, I can miss a class now and then.

Running: Maybe This Will Work!

2010-07-06T20:02:00.000-04:00

Well, I did run Sunday AM at a local school track, and I also ran today, Tuesday, in the work gym on the (blah) treadmill. The limitation on my running at the moment is my legs and feet; I felt fine in terms of cardio, but my legs are hurting and I don't want my plantar fasciitis to flare up. I consulted with Marathon Michelle, a running colleague at work and former member of the Jersey City Fight Club. She says; 1) get really good running shoes, the right ones for YOU (as fellow martial arts blogger Sue C suggested); 2) start with short distances; 3) increase no more than 10% per week.

The good things about running: 1) you pack in more cardio training and calorie burning per minute than lots of other cross training; 2) I really like how much stronger my legs feel afterwards, even though they hurt. Running outside can be interesting; at work, at least there are TVs near the treadmill. And I can't really keep my BlackBerry on call while I'm running, so it's a real, true break from work.

It would be awesome if I could consistently run as cross training for my martial arts, and my feet and legs stayed healthy. Fingers crossed. At some point I will consider whether one of my three days a week of running should be interval sprints, but first I want to just get aerobic running down.

Tomorrow night, back to grappling class.

Cross Training Question

2010-07-04T08:03:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th. Question for the day: Does it make sense to run once a week as a form of cross training?

I'm getting cardio workouts at the gym on a bike or elliptical machine, aiming for twice a week. I'm getting good workouts three days a week (more anaerobic) for four hours in my MA training.

So is running on my Sundays going to help build my cardio in addition to all this? Or is it going to just be an opportunity for injury? (I suppose I could run on a treadmill at the gym, but yawn.)

Karate Kid

2010-07-03T20:31:00.000-04:00

I got back to my martial arts school this week, for three hours, almost the four hours I usually shoot for. I also made it once to the gym at work, though I spent so much time stretching I didn't work up much of a sweat--my legs felt sore.

I've also switched to moderating comments since I've been getting so much Chinese spam in the form of comments. So apologies if any comments take time to show up.

This afternoon, my wife and I saw the remake of Karate Kid with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan. I loved the original movie and hated the sequels, so I really wondered how I would like this one. I also stayed away from the reviews, which I didn't read until just a few minutes ago.

Well, I liked it a lot--much more so than a couple of reviews I read. Much of the plot structure is familiar, but it's transformed by moving the boy to China instead of to California. One of the coolest things about the movie actually was China; the vastness of the terrain, the modern busy-ness of the urban settings were really striking; it made me want to visit.

There are places where the elements of the plot change quite a bit. For instance, there's a car in this movie belonging to Mr. Han (the Mr. Miyagi character), but it serves a very different purpose. I thought Jaden was great, though it was really tough seeing him get beat up; his mom, played by Teraji Henson, was excellent.

Jackie Chan played a very different character than he normally does, and his Mr. Han is fairly different than the Mr. Miyagi planed by Pat Morita, which was probably a good thing, though both characters do fulfill the same function in the plot.

Definitely worth seeing for martial artists. It won't replace the original, but it's enjoyable.

Fragile Father

2010-06-20T16:33:00.000-04:00

Physically, I'm feeling fragile today. I'm on antibiotics for sinusitis--very high white blood count indicated a bacterial infection. (My doctor doesn't hand out antibiotics like candy, she needs a reason to prescribe.) I was really sick early in the week, left work half way through Monday, and didn't do any work until Friday--and then from home.

I've also got a very stiff neck, and I'm starting to wonder if there's a pinched nerve or something. We were working for two weeks in grappling on D'Arce chokes, and I think they weren't good for my neck.

I haven't worked out in a week and a half. Times like this it's hard to picture getting back on the mat, though I know I will.

Interesting boxing match Saturday night. There's a very interesting tournament being hosted on Showtime (not PPV, either) where six excellent 168-pound boxers compete. Last night, the tournament leader, skilled boxer Andre Ward, out-hustled and out-thought Al Green, a dangerous knockout puncher. Green had a long reach advantage, but Ward would duck in and begin infighting, and he won every round.

While I train at a MMA school, and find the ground element (grappling) to be complex and interesting, I prefer watching standup, whether it's boxing or Muay Thai or what have you. Call me old fashioned.

It's been a nice Father's Day so far....

When I'm 54

2010-06-05T08:14:00.000-04:00

I turned 54 yesterday. I was 44 when I first joined my school; at the time it was called a karate school, but was transitioning to the mixed martial arts school it is today. In January, it will be 10 years since I first joined.

I had a nice birthday. I took the day off from work, and when my wife got off at noon, we went to a local beach town, had a sinfully good burger lunch (Five Guys Burgers--I'm not a burger person but it's great). My wife's joke was that I was very Buddhist in ordering my hamburger: "Make me one with everything." Then we spent time poking around the town and hanging out on the beach. In the evening, I went to my usual two-hour Friday classes, first a kind of cardio class and then kickboxing, which I enjoy a lot. My college-bound daughter made me delicious lava cupcakes.

Since my last post, I have been training pretty consistent lately--an hour of grappling on Monday and Wednesday evening, and the two hours on Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday, I get to work a little early and go to the nice, inexpensive gym there--I usually do lunges, pushups, crunches, planks and 25 minutes on a bike. The theory is to take Saturday off and, on Sunday, do some type of workout (that hasn't been so consistent).

Part of the idea for this schedule is that at my age it's best to be very steady in terms of working out--not take breaks of multiple days between working out. I think its working. I feel like I'm in better cardio condition than a couple of months ago. I've lost a little weight--for the first time in years, I've dropped below 190 pounds this week (I know that sounds like a lot, but I'm 6'2" and I'm happy with my weight).

I do feel a bit frustrated this week about the skill level I am reaching in grappling and kickboxing. I am getting better at grappling doing it two times a week, but it isn't an art that comes naturally to me. When presented with new situations, I have trouble finding a solution. In kickboxing, it's easy to forget about the need to focus on moving (feet and head). I need to look at how I'm improving more than how I fare against classmates.

Later this month I will get my annual checkup; I'm wondering how my cholesterol is. There was an interesting article in the (subscription) Wall Street Journal about how to calculate your arteries' age; I would like to see what mine are.

Stepping It Up

2010-04-25T09:02:00.000-04:00

It's been very hard to be consistent lately with MMA classes and other workouts. Last week was my 28th anniversary and my son's birthday; I've worked both last weekend (made it to Saturday class, guiltily) and this weekend (missed Saturday class, guiltily).

I will boost my classes to four a week; Monday, Wednesday and, on Friday, two classes in a row, to try and build conditioning more. I'm going to schedule an hour out of work to be at the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Sunday, I'll try to find something to do at home. I know this will be very tiring initially, and work and life will interfere. But you set goals, and you shoot for them.

My main focuses are 1) health, and 2) getting better at MMA.

Point 2 is simple: In striking, I need to move more, especially laterally, and relax a bit. In grappling, I will be taking two classes a week, which should help me really learn more techniques, at the muscle memory level; there too, I need to relax more, my sensei says. Another focus, picked up from a friend at work who used to do Gracie jiujitsu, is to either give the other person no space, or to take any space he gives me.

My Saturdays will be free. I'm hoping this means I can spend more time doing things with family. My Saturdays have been very hectic.

It would be nice to have a Saturday where I don't have to work. Pray for a slow news week.

Whitewater

2010-04-17T08:35:00.003-04:00

I told my wife the other day that I felt like my entire career had been spent NOT preparing for my current job. Her response really caught my attention: She said her image was of the young guy she married, taking her on a canoe trip, being excited about the whitewater rapids we were about to head into. I'm excited by challenges--even if at times I feel like I'm going to drown in them.

Now I'm thinking of challenging myself in martial arts.

My job has been extremely demanding, time- and mind-consuming, but I feel like I'm getting a handle on it. At my MMA school, the schedule has changed, right at the time when I'm feeling like three classes a week just isn't enough.

Now, rather than take any "core" classes that are very focused on conditioning, I'm planning on taking two stand-up sparring and two grappling classes, for a total of four a week.

In grappling, I simply need more practice to get more techniques in muscle memory. In sparring, I need to learn how to move better (forward, sideways, not back), and to develop more combinations in muscle memory, which again will take repeated practice WHILE sparring. (These classes do provide a real workout, and I am trying to supplement a couple of days a week at the office gym.) I really want to improve in both areas.

I'm also going to talk with my sensei about whether to take steps toward the second degree. I don't know if I want to commit to that while my job still is very demanding, my daughter is preparing to leave home to go to school, and I need time with my wife. But it's a challenge I want to consider at least.

Two Hours

2010-02-15T20:10:00.000-05:00

One reason I haven't posted frequently lately is that, by my count, I have about two hours a day on weekdays, after commuting, working, commuting and working out to do the things that need to be done in life like eat dinner, talk to my family, deal with whatever needs to be done on a work night.

Happy President's Day. I'm going to bed!

Foreshadowing?

2010-02-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

A classmate once observed the tradeoff for not having the ills of a sedentary life--aching back, diabetes-related ills, heart troubles--is having lots of little acute pains.

Today I still have a sore thumb which I jammed a couple of weeks ago, but I also have aches from three days in a row of class, including my first grappling class since August.

And, weirdly, I'm sore from falling out of the shower for the first time in my life. Yesterday, after grappling class, I was taking a shower at home, and I lost my balance; my feet slipped out from under me, and down I want, pulling the shower curtain down with me.

Fortunately I didn't do any serious damage--I didn't hit my head, and my knees bent normally, so no knee injuries. I remember putting a chair in the shower after my ACL surgery to avoid falling and tearing my new ACL.

But I definitely got bruised up. I don't know why I fell, but I quickly thought of how my father, at 89, fell a few months ago and ended up in the hospital. It felt like a foreshadowing of what's to come when I get old, and I didn't like that feeling.

How Much Wood Would A Nunchuck Chuck

2010-01-24T11:50:00.001-05:00

Tough week; I strive for 8 hours of sleep even on work nights, and got only 6 hour Monday night (after Martin Luther King Day) due to a combination of crises involving work and my elderly parents.

I did have a good sparring class Wednesday--I forgot my helmet, which required consideration by my partners, and in any case they were considerate sparring partners. One was my buddy Larry, the other was a joshu who is incredibly skilled and who was giving me tips as we drilled and then sparred.

On Saturday, I varied my schedule by attending a class where my sensei went back to our MMA school's karate roots; he was teaching nunchucks to the black belts (we don't do forms/kata any longer to get a black belt). I never used them before. I didn't think I would be able to get the hang of them at first, but I did eventually, even if I was very slow. We worked on one of the forms the school used to teach.

Interestingly, my knee with the repaired ACL was more sore after doing those forms than it usually is after sparring.

I told sensei that my goal was not to become the next popular YouTube video of a nunchuck accident, and he laughed.

Today I've got a slight fever and I'm going to just rest. Busy week of work ahead. My wife's friend in Italy said everybody she talked to in America is ill with something, and I think she's right. What a winter.

Blah

2010-01-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

Sparred tonight. I don't like getting hit in the head by people who don't know how hard they're punching. I don't like that I still have a hard time dealing with people who rush in. I feel like I don't know how to spar right now and wonder if I'm past the age where it's fun. Blah.

Making the Most of the Midlife Crisis

2009-12-26T09:32:00.001-05:00

I've told people over the years that martial arts was my midlife crisis.

Martial arts, which I started in my 40s, changed my life. So I like this description of the "midlife crisis" in a Wall Street Journal article from this past week:

A growing number of researchers are defining middle age more broadly and in positive terms, as a good time to reassess life goals and chart a new course. "Midlife is your best and last chance to become the real you," declared an article on the topic last year in the Harvard Business Review, which drew thousands of emails in response, says co-author Carlo Strenger, an associate professor of psychology at Tel Aviv University in Israel and a researcher and consultant on midlife change.

This week I'll be taking a lot of classes to make up for holiday feasting.

ACL Peace

2009-12-25T08:16:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas! You know your children are growing up when you wake up on Christmas morning before they do.

I started this blog when I was recovering from ACL surgery. I've been very lucky so far (knock on wood) because my ACL has been okay.

Last night, at my wife's family's huge, fun Christmas Eve gathering--we rent a hall, there are so many people--I saw my teenage niece Gina, who one week ago had her second ACL replacement surgery. This time, she got a piece of her quad muscle removed and used as the ACL replacement--I hadn't heard of that procedure much, she said her doctor avows it's stronger than even a patellar tendon ACL. Gina's a real athlete--I think her first ACL surgery was following a basketball injury, and this one was in conditioning camp preparing for lacrosse. Poor baby.

Meanwhile, Black Belt Mama has been having recurring problems with her knee where she had ACL surgery, and they've been interfering with her karate training, and she feels very frustrated.

Unknown at this point for me are the statuses of Hack Shaft, who's had two ACL tears, and Black Belt Blues.

Here are Christmas wishes for healthy ACLs all over the martial blogosphere, and beyond.

And, yeah, peace on earth would be nice, too.

Work V. Life

2009-12-22T20:44:00.000-05:00

Aaarrrgh! Missed my MMA class tonight because work popped up right as I was heading for the door. Grrrr.

Non-Quitting Spirit at 6 AM and 22 Degrees Fahrenheit

2009-12-21T19:58:00.000-05:00

I've lately been following a martial arts blog called Indomitable Spirit, and my school urges people to have a non-quitting spirit; I tapped some of that spirit at 6 AM today.

Yesterday's snowstorm dumped more than a foot of snow on my town on Long Island. I got up at 5 AM this morning to head to the gym before going to work. As I suspected, a snow plow had piled up snow around my car after I cleared it yesterday, so it took a lot of work to get the car out on the road.

Once on the road, I eventually heard a "thump thump thump": The telltale sign of a flat tire.

It was about 22 degrees outside (below freezing, for people accustomed to the sensible centigrade thermometer). First official day of winter.

I considered my options--drive to the mechanic's on a flat? Call for a tow? And realized that just changing the tire was my best option. I was a little worried somebody would slide into me on the icy road, but it was so early (about 6 AM) that only one car drove by.

Would I have had the spirit to change the tire, and the strength to loosen those lug nuts, if I weren't studying martial arts? I don't know; but I did get the tire changed, drove to the station and got on the train to work.

It's got to get easier from here on this winter.

Right?

Pride

2009-12-18T22:18:00.000-05:00

I went to sparring class Wednesday night. Now, while I was taking a three month break from my school, I did spar at another school, but in a very different style, so in some ways it was like going back to sparring after a three month layoff.

Indeed, we were doing things in sparring I hadn't done before--practicing ducking under punches and going for a takedown, MMA style.

Most of the class was drills. But I kept wondering how I would feel, and how my classmates would react, when it came time at the end of class for free sparring and (per my discussion with my sensei) I wouldn't start sparring with the other black belts but go into the beginner area and work on drills. Would my pride be able to stand it?

My sensei found an out for me that saved face. He asked me to spar with three women in my class, a red belt and two blues (one at a time of course). They needed a fourth person to even out the numbers, and we just rotated partners. I encouraged them to throw combinations and I worked primarily on defense. I would jab lightly to the head if they dropped their hands.

Even just doing that light sparring, I realized afterwards that I do need to move more. And I realized that too much of my drilling with pads is stationary. Of course, if I drill in one place, I will spar without moving also. So I need to build that movement into my pad practice.

When I was leaving, however, I heard a very strong 30-something brown belt say to one of the 20-something black belts--with a bit of pride in his voice--"Hey, I still have a headache from sparring with you last night." That was discouraging--I'm looking for challenging sparring and a good workout, but not headaches from sparring an unbeatably fast and strong 24-year-old black belt.

I didn't have to see how that would fare on Wednesday night. One of these days I will.

Hero

2009-12-13T09:41:00.000-05:00

I don't know about my friends, but I think one reason I am drawn to martial arts is I want to be a hero, or at least have the ability to be one. It's not something I generally think about, but I do think it's buried in my psyche.

I recently learned about my daughter's memory of a sad event when she was little. A relative was in the hospital, when my daughter was in early elementary school. Although it was hard for my daughter to understand what was going on, she understood the tension and sadness in the family.

While we were visiting at the hospital, she and I were separated when a fire alarm went off and a door between us automatically closed and locked. We could see each other through the door's window.

As soon as the alarm was over, I pushed open the door and went to her, I remember. But her (metaphorical) memory of the event was that I "ran like a hero through the flames and took my hand and saved me."

I do hope I can get back to sparring. This week I had a frank talk with the sensei at my old school about how at-risk I was starting to feel in our sparring classes when I took a break from the school three months ago. He listened attentively, we talked about what he's been trying to do to rein in the hot-heads, and we worked out a plan for me to start getting accustomed to my school's style of sparring again, a step at a time.

But it's deeply satisfying to know, whether sparring works out or not, I'm already a hero in somebody's eyes.

Dark Season

2009-12-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

I recently heard the idea of treating Advent, the time leading up to Christmas, as a dark time. The bright lights wait for Christmas.

This idea makes emotional sense to me.

Now is a time of increasing darkness; shopping and seasonal preparation are hectic, which I don't enjoy. I'm still working, and it's not until Christmas that I'll have time off. With my parents' difficult straits, and my son's struggles, it doesn't feel joyful right now--this is probably one of the issues of middle age. This weekend, I'm skipping a party on an evening my wife is out of town, and I'm planning just to read.

On Christmas Eve, I will attend a joyful Christmas Eve service of singing at my church, and then join my wife's family at a huge party bringing together relatives from all over. That, to me, is when the season of light begins.

Return of the Black Belt

2009-12-05T21:03:00.000-05:00

I wore my black belt today for the first time in three months, because I returned to my old school for the first time in three months.

It was cool to put on the black belt and black pants again. It was great to see some old friends at the school. It was a good workout--what we used to call a "core" class, without sparring.

I'm going to have a talk with my sensei on Thursday to, in his words, "find out where you are, and where we're going."

Tough Day

2009-12-03T21:11:00.001-05:00

Beat up at work.

Beat up in sparring.

Learned things both places.

In sparring: jab and pivot inside or out; in close, try fake jab, pivot inside, hook and cross.

Jab while moving to get out of tight spot.

Hand moves first in jab.

Don't use up energy with useless stressed out movements in tight quarters getting hit.

To bump: Pivot to weak spot, bump, punch.

Watching Dad Grow Frail

2009-11-29T09:11:00.000-05:00

I've spent much of the past two weeks in Virginia, helping my family after my 89-year-old father fell and broke his arm. I took four days off work the first week, then returned, with my wife and daughter, for a few days around Thanksgiving.

One of the defining experiences for many of us in middle age is seeing our parents grow old, frail and ill. It rattles me to the core because my Dad was such a strong provider and protector of the family while I was growing up.

Both my parents are suffering from early dementia or Alzheimer's, which is evident in the disappearance of their short-term memory, and their inability to really follow through on any task out of the ordinary. But they still love seeing their children and grandchildren, know who we are, and reminisce about the past.

Dad's fall, and the cascading problems that have ensued from that, have finally allowed us to force on my parents 24-hour home health aides, who are being accepted by my folks. It's a great relief for my brother and me; my brother lives near my parents and has devoted a huge amount of time to helping out, which has me concerned for his own health and well being. Unless my Dad shows lots of improvement, which often doesn't happen at his age, we will need to find a facility that can care for them both--the 24-hour help at their house is great but in the long run unaffordable.

On the way back home, we swung by one of the art colleges my daughter is considering attending, Maryland Institute College of Art, in Baltimore. My son spent Thanksgiving on the west coast, visiting with his biological family (both my kids were adopted). I'm glad my son is in touch with his biological family, I think it is good for him; we also can see how some of the volatility that bedevils our son is also very inherent in his birth siblings as well. (My daughter, born in Korea, doesn't know who her birth family is.)

Needless to say, I haven't had much time to train or work out. Seeing my Dad's growing frailty really reinforced for me the importance of staying in shape, to keep the quality of life as high as possible for as long as possible.

My three month stint at my new school is about over. I'm now seriously considering going back to my original martial arts school, where I still have a lot of classes paid for. I've learned a lot at the new school, particularly in the weekly private lessons. And the sparring is very much in control, which as a resident of the late middle ages I appreciate. It's a lot less expensive than my old school as well.

However, it's mostly me and a bunch of teenagers in class; they're nice, but not my friends--I have many friends at my old school. The workout isn't as intense as I used to get at my old school. And I can't wear the black belt I earned at the old school at the new one.

I'm planning (and we know not all plans work out) to continue getting up early and hitting the inexpensive and convenient gym at my office before the day starts, four days a week, for cardio and weight lifting. Then I'll attend martial arts classes two or three times a week. If I feel comfortable sparring at my old school, I'll do that; if not, I may continue to spar at the new school, and go to the old school for the exercise and camaraderie (and maybe for grappling).

Operation B-Flop

2009-11-05T20:59:00.004-05:00

Well, Operation B-Hop has been a disaster.

The hopping (more formally, plyometric) exercises I enthusiastically embraced have caused a painful flare-up of my plantar fasciitis. I am hobbling around in pain. And, from a printout one of the trainers in my corporate gym gave me, some exercises that I previously thought were harmless, like the elliptical machine or stationary bike, can actually worsen it.

So on Wednesday morning, I did a bag workout at the gym. On Tuesday and today, Thursday, I lifted weights.

But no martial arts classes this week; no hopping, no elliptical machine since Monday, when the pain really flared up.

My wife says she's angry that I started hopping again, despite past evidence that it brings on plantar fasciitis.

For now, I'm just trying to find ways to keep myself in shape while letting my feet (particularly my right foot) heal.

Operation B-Hop

2009-11-01T08:54:00.002-05:00

At my weekly private lesson Thursday, Mike, my instructor, was showing me some hopping exercises that he said would be key for me to improve my sparring. He said I tend not to move much, which allows me to to defend well using my reach when attacked, but poses a problem when I need to get to my target.

So, at the age of 53, I'm considering a radical change to my exercise regimen to try and raise the bar one more time in my sparring.

I'm going to (with the help of the clock change this week) start getting up about 40 minutes earlier, get to work early, go straight to the gym there.

Three mornings a week, I will start by working on these plyometric, hopping exercises. I hope my feet and knees can stand them. I'll start easy. Then I'll climb onto a feet/joint-friendly bike or elliptical machine for, I hope, about 40 minutes of cardio.

The two other mornings I"ll do some weight lifting, which the people running the gym say is good at my age due to the tendency to start losing muscle mass. I've been trying to get to the gym twice a week at lunchtime but failing because of the press of work. My job increasingly is becoming 24/7.

If this new push can help me improve my sparring, without putting too much strain on feet and knees, I think I will move to the next level.

If not, I'll try something else... that lets me sleep later.

I'm calling it operation B-Hop for two reasons: 1) Bob is hopping, and 2) B-Hop is a nickname for boxer Bernard Hopkins, who, at the antique age of 44, is still one of the greatest boxers around.

Wish me luck getting through the adjustment and the new regime!

Relax

2009-09-29T21:08:00.003-04:00

Today, after a group class, I asked one of the instructors I've sparred with several times what I need to work on the most.

"Relax," he said. I'm getting better, he told me, but I'm still too nervous/anxious in sparring.

Technically, he also said I sometimes over commit--my shoulder may be actually farther out than my foot on a punch. Then it takes a moment for me to recover--and in that time, my opponent can move away, counter strike, etc.

But mostly, he said, relax. "We're not going to break you in half," he said.

Learning New Things

2009-09-19T08:38:00.003-04:00

I had a very good private lesson Thursday. The style of this school encourages a very wide stance, and a very tight hook punch; I worked on both in the class. I will need to practice both.

My trainer, Mike, is very focused on teaching, which is great.

Yesterday, I went very late to lift weights at work, then rushed home without taking a shower so I could catch a train. It is often very hard in the heat of the action during the workday to get to the gym. I'm going to keep trying; if I can't, I might come in early, but even in my commute, I'm very busy via Blackberry. If it weren't for exercise, the stress would just be completely overwhelming.

Also, because I was rushing out, I didn't get the protein immediately after lifting that is recommended. I don't know how critical it is to eat/drink protein right after lifting, it's not a world I'm accustomed to.

I've got a group class today. I want to keep more control over my sparring, and hence my partners'. My left leg still hurts a bit from a roundhouse kick to the thigh; one issue, I think, is that my partner didn't have on shin pads, so I got hit with a very hard shin. It doesn't have to be a very hard kick to hurt with a shin, I now see.

The Continuous Life

2009-09-16T20:35:00.004-04:00

My stomach has been bothering me all day, and I'm skipping class tonight.

So, for something completely different, here is a wonderful poem about being a parent and a human being; I suppose it is also about middle age, since that's generally when you're raising children. It has absolutely nothing to do with martial arts.

I discovered this poem inscribed on a children's fountain in Manhattan a number of years back when I was having a terrible day and went for a walk.

The author is Mark Strand; the book it appears in has the same title as the poem, "The Continuous Life."

Here's a link to the Amazon page with the book: http://www.amazon.com/Continuous-Life-Poems-Mark-Strand/dp/0679738444/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253147907&sr=1-1

And here's the poem, from Answers.com:

The Continuous Life

What of the neighborhood homes awash
In a silver light, of children hunched in the bushes,
Watching the grown-ups for signs of surrender,
Signs that the irregular pleasures of moving
From day to day, of being adrift on the swell of duty,
Have run their course? Oh parents, confess
To your little ones the night is a long way off
And your taste for the mundane grows, tell them
Your worship of household chores has barely begun;
Describe the beauty of shovels and rakes, brooms and mops;
Say there will always be cooking and cleaning to do,
That one thing leads to another, which leads to another;
Explain that you live between two great darks, the first
With an ending, the second without one, that the luckiest
Thing is having been born, that you live in a blur
Of hours and days, months and years, and believe
It has meaning, despite the occasional fear
You are slipping away with nothing completed, nothing
To prove you existed. Tell the children to come inside,
That your search goes on for something you lost — a name,
A family album that fell from its own small matter
Into another, a piece of the dark that might have been yours,
You don't really know. Say that each of you tries
To keep busy, learning to lean down close and hear
The careless breathing of earth and feel its available
Languor come over you, wave after wave, sending
Small tremors of love through your brief,
Undeniable selves, into your days, and beyond.

"The Continuous Life (Poem Text)." Notes on Poetry. Answers Corporation, 2006. Answers.com 17 Sep. 2009. http://www.answers.com/topic/the-continuous-life-poem-1

The Discouraging Pursuit Of Perfection

2009-09-13T19:58:00.007-04:00

I finished the first week of my new martial arts/health regime with a 20-minute jog at a school track, followed by eight wind sprints of roughly 50 meters.

My weekly plan is to attend two group martial arts classes, one private lesson, two weight lifting sessions and one run/sprint. I missed one weight lifting session at the gym at work because I left my packed gym bag at home. Otherwise, I did all the training I planned.

After seeing an instructor named Mike at my new school for two private lessons and one group class, I attended a group class on Saturday with two other instructors. One, named Derrick, is a professional kickboxer.

As before, the group class was very different from my old classes, but an intense workout. At the end, I sparred with Derrick and Justin, the other trainer. They said they understood I did leg kicks and light head contact; I said yes, because that's what I'm used to.

I finished the class feeling a bit discouraged, and a little banged up.

I was hearing from the two instructors many of the same things I had heard before at my other school; my combinations pretty soon become predictable, and therefore easy to anticipate and counter; I back straight up instead of moving to the side; etc.

Why this should be depressing to me, I'm not sure. I certainly couldn't expect that those problems would disappear just from trying out a new school. I'm there to learn and improve. Still, I did feel discouraged.

Once I got hit pretty hard to the head; I was told it was after I had hit my sparring partner pretty hard to the head myself. It's hard for me to know when I'm hitting hard sometimes; I will feel better myself if I don't hit too hard, inviting an escalation from the other side.

I also got a dead leg from a perfectly placed roundhouse kick to my thigh. It still is sore a day later. Perhaps I should try, like most of the other students, only contact below the neck and above the belt (no head contact or kicks to the legs). But that would feel like I'm moving backwards.

One thought an instructor had was that the goggles I wear--to protect my eyes and to see better--interfere with peripheral vision; and it is true that I often don't see what's happening when people get angles on me. In any case, once I put on my headgear, I can't see out of the goggles because they fog up. Maybe I will try sparring without them, the headgear should provide my eyes with some protection.

Derrick did tell me I used my jab very well, making it difficult for him to get inside, and I threw a couple of good round kicks to his leg; I did slip a jab from the other instructor to begin an attack once, which he complimented.

It sounds simple, but I need to keep reminding myself: I'm here to learn, so don't expect to be perfect. It's a difficult lesson for me.

New Plan

2009-09-12T20:08:00.007-04:00

I am trying some new things.

I've started attending a new martial arts school. I'm adding some basic weight training to my exercise regime. I want to see how these changes affect my health and my skills and enjoyment in martial arts.

My old school is terrific; it got me into excellent shape, taught me a lot, introduced me to new friends, and provided a path to get my black belt. I still have classes I paid for there that I will use.

After eight-and-a-half years of training at my old school, I now want to see what I can learn at another school, and see how I like a different approach to health.

My new school is also a mixed martial arts school; I have entered as a non-belt student (the school also teaches a more traditional martial art, complete with belt rankings; I'm not doing that). At the moment, I'm focusing on standup/striking, the part of martial arts I have usually liked most.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC, publishes suggestions for physical activity; based on those, I'm trying to get 2 hours and 30 minutes each week of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity, and also do weight training muscle-strengthening activities 2 days a week. I'm doing the weight training at the inexpensive and convenient gym at my workplace twice a week; it provides a nice break to the stressful day at the office.

The weekly aerobic activity I'm trying to get through my new school and, one weekend day a week, a jog, run and/or sprint session. This schedule would allow me one day of rest a week (probably Mondays).

At the moment, I'm going to two one-hour group classes a week at the new school. The classes are quite vigorous, as my prior school's group classes were, though there are of course lots of differences in how the classes are vigorous.

Also, my new school offers a half-hour private lesson each week as part of its curriculum. I'm hoping that these private lessons will be a way for me to learn quickly.

There's a lot to learn. This new school approaches things differently, starting even with how you place your feet in the basic stance. We train in orthodox and southpaw stances, which is so new to me I was laughing at how awkward I felt in the southpaw stance. The school places more emphasis on wheel kicks, hook kicks and side kicks than I'm accustomed to; it has different ways to place the hands defensively than I'm accustomed to.

And all this I've noticed in only a week.

Whether I can, at 53, learn how to DO all these new things is another question--I'm not sure I have the flexibility to do all these new kicks well, for instance. And in my darker moments I wonder if, even with private lessons, I just can't learn how to move properly in stand-up sparring at this age.

My hope, however, is that, with the private lessons, I can reach new levels of skill and knowledge, while also finding new friends--without losing or forgetting the old friends.

Wish me luck!

The 50-Plus Martial Artist: "Older, Wiser, Slower"

2009-09-11T20:33:00.003-04:00

A fascinating article in The Wall Street Journal last week was called, "Older, Wiser, Slower: After 50, Avid Athletes Find That to Stay Healthy, They Must Let Go of the Need to Win." (Note, this may be a subscription website.)

I felt relief from some unrealistic expectations after reading it.

The gist of the article is encapsulated in this quote from a 51-year-old famous triathlete: "If you have to go as fast at 50 as you did at 20, you will grind yourself into the ground and become stressed out, bitter and unhealthy."

It goes on to argue there are satisfactions and thrills to athletics in one's 50s that don't require more than an aging body can give.

These messages don't get a lot of air time in some corners of athletic culture. What I've heard more often is: "Age is only a number."

I find that, while I feel as competitive spirited as ever, I can't match the speed of a well-trained, athletic 20- or 30-something in sparring. It also takes me longer to recover my breath after sparring a round.

And if I make myself injured, frustrated and miserable trying to match that level of performance, I'm eventually going to give up something that has brought me health, friendship and joy.

I truly think I can continue learning in martial arts, and finding ways to improve what I do, for years to come. But I believe that to do so, I need to take the wise route of recognizing limitations, and striving for achievable goals.

Martial Arts and Fitness in Middle Age

2009-09-02T19:07:00.004-04:00

I know it's obvious that martial arts promote fitness, but there are a lot of counterexamples. I've met black belts who came equipped with dangerous-looking beer bellies--dangerous to their own health, that is.

I recently signed up with the gym at my workplace, which costs the incredibly low sum of $7 a week. I got an evaluation coming into it, which gave me a quick reading on how I'm doing in terms of fitness. Martial arts are my primary way of exercising.

The results: My cardio signs were excellent--resting pulse of 57, recovery pulse of 80 per minute after three minutes of a timed stepping exercise. Disturbingly, the tester said about half the people he tests can't finish the 3-minute step test.

He told me, whatever I'm doing in terms of cardio, keep it up. Interesting that it's a very anaerobic workout, not typically aerobic (i.e. my classes involve bursts of high activity, and then rest, rather than steady activity like jogging or an aerobics class).

For strength testing, I did 30 military-style pushups; the tester was looking for 11 to 16. I did 100 crunches, he was looking for something like 20 or 25.

I do have some stiffness, particularly in the hamstrings, quads and rotator cuff, the tester said. And my body fat percentage (calculated with calipers) is high--24%, which to me sounds horrible, like I'm a stuffed Christmas turkey or something. The top of the recommended range was 23%, the tester said. Online, I've seen all sorts of ranges suggested.

(My wife thought it was hilarious that I got stressed out because my body fat was one percentage point high.)

The gym manager suggested a half-hour weight program twice a week, and stretching the quads and hamstring twice a day when I'm warm (one AM option--stretch in the shower). I've never consistently lifted weights, so I'm enthused about trying that out, especially since a half-hour workout is all I can spare at the office. And it doesn't take time away from home.

One argument I've often heard is that when you build muscle, you burn fat. Maybe weight lifting (and a little more discipline in eating) will reduce that body fat percentage.

Reflections on a Journey of Many Years

2009-08-30T09:24:00.006-04:00

The blogger's dilemma is that the busier life is, the more things you have to say, and the less time to say them.

I've been busy lately.

Last night, I threw a party at my house to celebrate getting my black belt back in May. When I throw one of my infrequent parties, I enjoy inviting people from very different aspects of my life and watching them interact; this party included people who have been at my martial arts school for a long time like me, a few old friends from outside martial arts, neighborhood friends, friends from church, and family. I got my wife's cousin to cater the event; in keeping with the martial arts theme, there was an Asian flavor to the food.

It was fun, and it was nice to celebrate once again all the blood, sweat and tears that went into getting the belt.

Lately I've been reflecting on my own journey in the martial arts.

I've been thinking about modern v traditional martial arts--I attend a school that 8 1/2 years ago, when I joined, was called a karate school, and now is mixed martial arts. A lot of the bloggers I follow practice traditional martial arts. I envy the cultural exploration they get to do.

But as my wife recently reminded me, my own journey in the martial arts has also been an extraordinary path. I've discovered things about myself: physical strength; joy of movement; mental discipline; an inner warrior I had no idea existed. On many occasions, including recovering from ACL surgery, I've had to face my fears to get to a new goal.

Re-entering martial arts in 2001 also was an effort to gain control over one sliver of my life at a time when life felt wildly, disturbingly out of control, as a person I love increasingly fell into the grip of mental illness.

On the evite.com invitation I sent out for my party, I put a photo of Mr. Miyagi, the instructor in The Karate Kid played by the late actor Pat Morita. Dave Berry once hilariously said that karate is a martial art where, after years and years of effort and discipline, and using only their hands and feet, people have made some of the worst movies in history. But I'm not embarrassed to say that it was The Karate Kid that got me to first go to a Tae Kwan Do school in Queens for six months. And if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have returned to martial arts in 2001.

What I was searching for (beyond better health) was a Mr. Miyagi, a strict but patient instructor who would affirm my worth while teaching me new things.

Occasionally, like this morning, I glimpse that the real Mr. Miyagi is within.

Cake vs. Training

2009-08-22T15:46:00.005-04:00

As I write this, I'm eating a birthday cake instead of attending a very interesting martial arts class at my school. On the whole, I'm disappointed. :-)

On Saturdays, my school now offers a special class where 1) brown belts get intensive training for the black belt test, and 2) black belts get advanced/refined/different training. Today, I would be learning to work with weapons--nunchuks in particular--something my school no longer teaches in the ordinary course of things. I was looking forward to taking the class.

Instead, I'm watching over the birthday party my daughter is throwing for one of her best friends; my wife is out attending to our son. I'm pleased that I could help out my daughter. She had a few teary moments before the party, and she's happy now. And family comes first.

But I do feel like I'm missing a rare opportunity. I have to remember it will come round again.

Life has gotten in the way of training and also of this blog in the past weeks. There was the mild food poisoning the night of sparring this week. Last week, I was in the Berkshires, planning to do some running at least--and I caught a cold on vacation. Work has spilled over so late some days I was unable to make class or, in one instance where I showed up nearly 10 minutes late, I was fairly distracted during training. One of the consequences of the recession and cutbacks is everyone at work is trying to do more things.

I did get to class on Tuesday and Friday nights this week, and I felt refreshed physically and mentally the next day.

I'm sure one of the reasons I felt so refreshed by my classes was that I hadn't had much training previously; funny how training and not training can go hand in hand.

Nothing More Tiring

2009-07-18T15:40:00.003-04:00

I had two hours of class today. In the second hour, among many other things, I went three rounds boxing with my sensei. It's like trying to block lightning. He has full control of his punches, but you feel them.

My wife said I looked miserable when I got home. I told her I was very, very tired.

"There is nothing more tiring," I told my wife, "than getting hit."

Eyebrow raised, she said, "I have no idea why you enjoy this."

I said, "I'm not sure I would if every time were like this."

I did learn a lot, however. In grappling, I was reminded of the D'Arce choke, which I'd forgotten how to do even though I'd mentioned it before; I also learned a way of flipping an opponent who has me in side control by grapevining his leg.

And in the black belt class, we worked on two ways of setting up the uppercut; 1) Draw the opponent's right hand to the side of his head by throwing two open hand hooks, then go into position to throw a very hard hook--but throw a front-hand uppercut to the head, followed by a cross; or 2) slip the jab, take a stop towards the opponent, then throw the backhand uppercut followed by the front hook (then move away).

Finally, sensei told me I was dropping my hand BEFORE throwing my jab, which was allowing him to come over the top with his cross. And I need to keep my hands up even when a speedster like him is out of reach, because he can move in and hit my head so quickly.

Very tiring.

Reach

2009-07-04T07:44:00.003-04:00

My first role model in standup sparring was a black belt named Terry from my school. I learned a lot of things from Terry, but one thing I shouldn't have emulated was how close he got to his opponents in sparring. Terry would get in close and use tight hook punches.

That suited his size and style, but not mine.

There's a boxer I sometimes now think of in sparring named Paul Williams (in the photo above he's punching Winky Wright). Williams has the reach of a heavyweight but has fought at weights as low as 147 pounds. What I've noticed about him--it's somewhat visible in this photo---is that when he is throwing a flurry of punches, including hooks or uppercuts, he's using his reach still. (Also notice how he's keeping his left hand in position, protecting his face, as he punches with his right!)

Punching at the outside of your range makes for more power. It prevents opponents with less reach from clinching and ending your advantage. And of course it makes it harder for the opponent to reach you if he has less reach.

Oh, and Happy Fourth of July!

Breath

2009-07-03T09:28:00.003-04:00

My man Steve, a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner, has a post about breathing while sparring, and how important it is to make yourself breathe.

I recently had a couple of interesting experiences with breathing while sparring.

1. Gumba Frank, a fellow black belt and classmate, is always a challenge in standup sparring. Frank is not only tremendously strong, he also has amazing hand speed (even more amazing that he's around 52 years old) and he is a very skilled counterpuncher. He also, surprisingly for someone in an orthodox stance, relies almost exclusively on his left, front, hand. My best strategy against him is to use my reach and to circle to my left, his right--the opposite of what I would normally do against a right hander. I want to steer clear of his left hook.

I realized a few weeks ago while sparring with him that I felt so anxious (when he hits, it hurts) that my breathing was speeding up and becoming shallow, which was tiring me out. And getting tired is a problem because I do best with him when I constantly move. I had to consciously slow down my rate of breathing and deepen the individual breaths. It helped. I was surprised that I hadn't been aware of that pattern before.

2. Last Saturday, I was grappling and got another 50-something black belt, Warren, in an arm triangle. That's a type of choke where I'm using one of his arms against his neck to help finish him off. Warren is a bit of a street fighter, and he came up with a creative solution: He took his free hand, pinched my nose shut, and covered my mouth with his hand, cutting off MY breath. Nobody had ever done this to me before. Eventually, I had to loosen my grip on him to pry his hand from my mouth, but that allowed him to get free from the arm triangle. People did point out to him later that it was an illegal move, but I was laughing about it, I certainly didn't expect it!

Osu, Black Belt Mama

2009-06-28T16:14:00.003-04:00

Congrats to Black Belt Mama, who now truly IS a black belt mama, having just gotten her belt after persisting through ACL surgery and recovery. She's an inspiration.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T09:49:00.005-04:00

I was going to run this AM but it's raining, and I don't want to hurt my knee slipping while sprinting.

So I had a leisurely morning. Slept until 8:30, which is really, really late for me. My 16-year-old daughter made a delicious breakfast of waffles with blueberries and egg-white omelets with chives. And my wife is holding her annual grill for the dads BBQ today.

I was able to sprint Saturday and Sunday last week without injury, and I feel my sprinting is helping my endurance and cutting my weight. This weekend I haven't sprinted, but I plan to on Tuesday, when I'm taking a day off to take care of some stressful personal business. Perhaps if the weather clears up today before it's too late I'll go to the track as well.

My right leg (the one with the original ACL) is a little sore today from grappling. I spent effectively two hours grappling yesterday. In the second hour I was paired up with Vinny, a teenaged black belt who's as tall as I am. I got him to tap out once from an arm triangle choke; he got me to tap out from a leg lock, hence the sore right leg.

We haven't been doing standup sparring for the past couple of weeks because we've been working on leg drills. Sensei doesn't think we move enough in standup (I know I don't).

Sprinting: Easy Does It

2009-06-07T20:17:00.002-04:00

After my knee hurt following sprinting last week, I postponed my plans for sprints on Saturday and Sunday. That's still my goal, however.

This weekend, I only sprinted on Sunday. I jogged at the high school track a mile and a quarter to warm up, then I did 50-yard sprints--turning around and walking back to the starting line and immediately sprinting again.

This time, I was in a moderate sprint, rather than running like I was trying to win the Olympics. It seemed to be better on my knee; also, I didn't try to stop my self quickly after passing the 50-yard mark, figuring a quick stop puts stress on the knees as well.

My knee felt fine, but I started to feel a little pain in my left quad, where I think I had a small, small muscle tear last week. So I stopped after nine sprints, rather than going to all 10.

My hope is that 1) as the muscles build up, I won't get these pains as often, and I'll be able to start sprinting twice a week (Saturday and Sunday); 2) the sprinting will give me greater leg strength and endurance in sparring; 3) I'll be able to move constantly during sparring the way my sensei is urging us, making me competitive with the young black belts in class and leading me to become the world's greatest 53-year-old kickboxer.

Hey, a guy can dream, right? :-)

How Nervous Was I?

2009-06-06T08:07:00.002-04:00

A fellow student asked me how nervous I was when I tested and finally got my black belt in May. A little background is necessary, because this was my third test.

The first time I tested, I was so nervous that I went to the ATM the day before, and left the cash in the ATM machine. Fortunately the ATM sucked the money back before somebody else came along. However, a Joshu at our school heard about it, and at the test was telling me how he had a free trip to the test because he "went up to the ATM, and some idiot had left $100 in it." He was joking with me because he was trying to get me relaxed. I went to that test with my friend the Hulk, and we both had the classic signs of nervousness--cotton mouth, multiple trips to the bthroom, etc. I passed self defense moves at the test, but didn't get all the way to the kickboxing and grappling.

The next time I tested, in November 2007, I was definitely nervous, but doing much better than the previous time. Although, I think the day before, I went to the ATM, took the money...and left my card in the machine. It also got sucked back in, so nobody drained my bank account.

It was at that November test that my ACL got destroyed, and I had to quit with about three minutes left. The afore-metioned Joshu, who's a real card, was telling me he wasn't surprised I didn't pass, because my wife "told him" that I "never lasted four minutes between the legs with anybody." This time he was trying to cheer me up.

I was enjoying the test up until I got hurt--in particular, I enjoyed the stand-up kickboxing part of the test. I think because I had been to one tournament previously, I was less nervous about it.

When I went for my third time last month, I looked, on the surface, fairly calm, I think. But I was nervous underneath. The day before the test, I showed up to meet someone an hour earlier than I was supposed to and left in confusion.

On the day of the test, my knee was a bit sore, and I didn't really know whether it was because I hurt it a bit training for the test, or whether my knee was "nervous" about returning to the scene of its injury. The hardest part of the test was waiting while the other candidates went through all the parts I had previously passed. I definitely had "fight or flight" syndrome. Once I got on the mat for grappling, it was a relief--and at that point, I started having fun.

I guess the pattern is, the anticipation is terrifying, but the test itself is often fun.

When I'm 53

2009-06-04T22:13:00.003-04:00

I turned 53 today. I went to work, and came home to a tasty home-cooked meal of roast chicken and dressing by my wife and daughter. I celebrated my birthday by doing 53 push-ups and 53 sit-ups.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow to take care of some things I just can never get to while I'm at work. Tomorrow I'll make up the martial arts class I missed tonight.

Improving

2009-06-02T20:46:00.002-04:00

It's Tuesday, and I haven't called my doctor yet because my knee keeps feeling better.

There's a little discomfort when I bend my right knee a lot, but it has improved. I'm hoping, as blackbeltblues suggested, it's just tendonitis or something.

I do hope I will eventually be able to sprint regularly--it does seem like the best way for me to cross train for conditioning and leg strength. But it's good that for now it doesn't seem like a serious injury.

An Old Familiar Feeling

2009-05-31T08:17:00.002-04:00

There's good news and bad news today.

The good news is that I feel my conditioning and grappling are getting better and better, even after my successful completion of the black belt test two weeks ago.

The bad news is that my right knee--the "good" one--is giving me pain and stiffness with normal bending. It's definitely not an ACL tear, thank goodness, because the knee is strong and stable.

But when I tore my ACL two and a half years ago, I also tore my meniscus, which gave me pain and stiffness when bending my leg--similar to what I'm feeling now. In recovery terms, it was a sideshow to the ACL.

I'm probably going to call the doctor who did my ACL surgery to have him look at it.

I don't recall a moment when I hurt my knee recently. I figure it was in the run-up to the test or the test itself. I recall telling my friend Larry that my knee was hurting a bit the week after the test, and he said, yeah, sometimes you get hurt at the test but don't realize it because of all the adrenaline.

The running, specifically sprinting, I've been doing has been good for my cardio. On Saturday, I sprinted early in the morning, then took two hours of classes beginning at noon. My quads were sore, and my right knee; but I held up fine through the classes. In grappling I twice got the back of Warren, one of the sampais my age, who was exhausted, and I got him to tap out once. Usually Warren gives me a really hard time in grappling.

But today, Sunday, I changed my plans and I'm not sprinting. I'm worried that it will make my knee worse.

There does seem to be a cycle, particularly in middle age, where you get near the peak of your condition, and some injury forces you to start over again.

We'll see what happens this time. At the least, a meniscus tear (if that's what it is) isn't nearly as big a problem as an ACL.

Unexpected Responses from Sensei

2009-05-29T19:54:00.008-04:00

Last night, I talked with my sensei about what's next after getting my black belt.

I started off by telling him I wished he had seen me grappling at the black belt test (he was judging students in a different ring). I wanted him to see because I enjoyed it and did well... and because I had a feeling he wasn't very confident in my grappling abilities before the test.

His response: He had been more confident in my grappling skill than I was.

I was very surprised. But given how hard I can be on myself--and how nervous I was about grappling before the test--it made sense. After all, he wouldn't have sent me to the test if he didn't expect me to pass.

I told him I want to cut back a bit on training for a stretch to give more time to my family, and he said, that's fine, I earned it.

But I want to continue to learn. What's next?

Next is the second degree. But he said not to rush. In our school, there is a deliberate process that has to be followed to earn higher degrees to the black belt, and it can easily take two or three years. I expressed concern at how tough the ring is where candidates for higher degrees compete at the test; he said I would have the skills for it by the time I went.

We talked about my interest in sprinting for conditioning and leg strength. He said it's a great idea, but I should ideally do it at least a couple of times a week.

I said I could only picture one day a week to sprint, Sunday, because during the week I rise at 5:45 AM for work, and return home about 7 PM. And on Saturday, I take a couple of hours of martial arts classes, so I clearly can't sprint that day.

His response: Why not sprint early on Saturday? Just leave several hours between sprinting and martial arts class.

He said that in preparation for tournaments, he would work out, run or train three times daily, day after day.

Hmm, I thought. Well, I'm 52 and he's not.

But I won't be doing it every day, and I won't be doing three workouts in a day. I can try a double workout once a week and see how it goes. As Hack Shaft says, eventually the muscles adjust.

Tomorrow is Saturday, the first Saturday of the rest of my life, and I'll give it a try.

One sign that I've taken the black belt as a beginning, not an end: I expected that after the test, my weight would rise somewhat. Instead, it's continuing a slow decline.

Running and Legs

2009-05-26T20:04:00.004-04:00

My sensei has been talking about the benefits of running and, specifically, sprinting, for conditioning and to build leg strength. On the Memorial Day weekend, after doing some sprints following a warmup run on Saturday, my hamstrings were very tight. On Monday, instead of sprinting, I went for a somewhat leisurely run, with the idea that this would loosen the muscles and be better for my legs.

Man, are my legs sore today.

Blogger Black Belt Mama has a funny set of guidelines for how you know you've overdone it at the gym on leg exercises: It is completely appropriate for me today.

The leg pain (muscular--my knee is okay) is a surprise to me because, at various times in recent years, I've gone to gyms and done elliptical work for an equivalent distance without my legs being so sore. It may be that the sprinting is what did it.

I can't for now figure out how I could do a couple of sprinting sessions each week; my only time available is Sunday (I'm not sprinting on Saturday, when I have two martial arts classes). But I still figure--rightly?--that it's good cross training even if I do it once a week. With time, I hope, my legs will adapt.

What's Next

2009-05-24T19:49:00.003-04:00

Last week, I took it a bit easy. On Monday and Wednesday nights, my wife was working, so I stayed home to do chores that hadn't gotten done in the busy run-up to the test, and to keep my daughter company.

I missed class those nights.

Instead, I was doing things like mowing the lawn and going shopping. There wasn't time for anything last week except training and working. I do want to cut back on training for a stretch so my family and I can reconnect.

On Thursday, I took two classes, which meant I didn't get enough sleep for Friday. But I knew there wouldn't be classes Friday or over the weekend. It was great walking into the school--everybody greeted me with a smile and a cheer, it felt like I got the belt for everybody, not just myself.

Yesterday, with no class, I went to the high school track (softer than the pavement on my knees and feet), and after a warm-up jog did some 50-yard sprints for conditioning.

Next week, I'm hoping to have a chat with my sensei to talk about what's next. I want to continue training and learning; I want to start bringing a notebook (I just bought a little one today) to take notes after class on things I learned I want to retain.

I don't know whether that means going eventually for a second degree or not at age 53 or 54. But I do want to keep growing.

Sempai BobSpar

2009-05-17T20:14:00.007-04:00

I'm sore, I'm tired, but I'm elated--I got my black belt today.

It's been almost two and a half years since I last tested. That was when my ACL got snapped in two.

I felt like my mind was somewhat calm (if worried) coming into the test, but my body was very anxious. And while my mind was worried about things like failing in front of people, my body was anxious about my knee. My left knee was hurting walking down the steps of the terraced parking lot to the test site, at a college in suburban New Jersey.

I was in what we called the "geriatric ring," a station for people 35 and older. I'm not entirely certain, but I believe that, at 52, I was the oldest candidate in the group. Most of the candidates seemed to be in their 40s, and maybe a few were late 30s.

I flew through the pushups; the situps were tougher because I was told I needed to get down lower, touching more of my lower back to the mat.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited. All the other candidates had to go through all the parts of the test I passed before. While waiting, I struggled with the "fight or flight" reaction--I had to keep telling myself, you've done this before, you've been grappling hard, you've learned a lot, go in there when it's time and go for it.

The following is very technical about grappling, sorry! If you wish to skip the detail, please go to the final two paragraphs.

When it was time for grappling--before which I stretched and did pushups to get my body warm--I was initially paired with the person I thought was the weakest opponent. I told myself, don't assume he's not tough. But I did feel that if I didn't do well against him, it would be troubling to me and the judges.

All the work in recent weeks I've put into grappling paid off. There were so many things I did that I only learned while in my training for this test in the past two or three months. I went in, as Steve suggested, with a plan for what to do in each position, and I executed it. With this first opponent, I ended up getting him to tap out twice--once in a chicken wing from when I had him in my guard, and once with an L-lock when I had swept him and mounted him. (Addendum: In retrospect, I think I tapped him out a third time in a guillotine.)

My confidence soared--I was off to a good start.

Then came the second four-minute match. This opponent, another brown belt, was much tougher--very strong in the standup part. I got a bruise below my left eye that I didn't notice until someone pointed out afterward, but I'm sure it was from his head.

But I did pull him into my guard, and got him in a chicken wing. He fought it pretty well, but finally had to tap out. I felt terrific.

We stood up, went at it again. He started to grab my leg, and I pulled him into the guard again. I think what happened (amazing how much you can forget) is that I swept him, got him in a mount, and when he turned to his side to protect his arm, I went for an arm bar.

Unfortunately, I gave him enough room to slip out of it and go for an arm bar against me, which he got. I tapped quickly once he got it in tight--I had no interest in dropping out because my arm was broken.

Once more, standing up, he was more wary about me, but I pulled him into the guard again, and got him in a kimura lock again (which can lead to the chicken wing). He fought it well, and we ran out of time.

I was elated to hear that I (and everyone who had made it that far) got our belts. There were a few people from my local school there who congratulated me. I called my wife and daughter (my wife was too traumatized from seeing me hurt the last time to attend this one, though she provided ample moral support).

I was far from perfect. Sempai Chance, who had given me a lesson Friday, said I was trying to sit straight up from my guard to do the sweep, rather than turning to my side first. I lost putting my second opponent into an arm bar because I gave him room to get out.

I have so much left to learn. And that's one definition of a black belt--a serious martial arts student.

But I attacked and defended well enough to show that I knew what I was doing well enough to pass.

I'm grateful to all the people (including readers of this blog) who encouraged me on the way. I am grateful to my sensei; at the end of the day, I asked him to honor me by putting my belt on for the first time, which he was happy to do.

It's been a long road since that awful moment when my ACL ripped on the grappling mat. I wouldn't say that the black belt or ACL recovery are the most difficult things I've ever done, tough as they are. Trying to be a good father and husband in this imperfect and disruptive world is harder and far more important. But it's encouraging and thrilling to be able to say that, just days short of my 53rd birthday, having recovered from ACL surgery two years earlier, I got my black belt.